Why can't I just stick to my guns and say enough?

My daughters both 28 and 31 have moved back in with mom and dad after my youngest one was mugged and had a gun stuck to her head and robbed downtown where we live. This totally flipped me out and we had the girls move back in with us. Since they're arrival the old habits of smoking, drinking beer, not helping, etc. have come back to haunt us. Was I crazy to let this happen? We were thinking about our daughters safety and now the oldest one who has a disability can't find a job after being arrested for assault due to a bipolar roommate that they lived with who was also mugged at the same time getting angry at her and throwing a coffee table at her in frustration of the mugging. She turned around and blamed my daughter for assault. This is on her record and she now has to go to court and defend herself. This is a girl who has a bachelors degree in communications and basically now dependent on the family for support and at 31? I have simply had enough but where can they go with no financial help? The youngest one is studying to be a nurse while the older one sleeps most of the day and can't get ahead. Depression has now set in and I am at my wits end.

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Nov 16, 2013
To "Why Can't I Stick to my Guns"
by: Angie Carter

Thanks for posting your situation on here because there are MANY parents out there in the same boat. I have worked with parents over a number of years and this, indeed is a difficult situation.
First thing to understand is that you didn't get in this position overnight and you won't get out of it overnight. But if you are willing to learn, study, implement certains tools, practice, and change it can be a situation that can improve and you can get your life back.
I have been involved with Families Anonymous for over 10 years and it has proven to be extrememly helpful to myself and many other struggling parents. I encourage you to go to their website and check out some of their resources. They have a lot of books, pamphlets and writings on this very issue that are very helpful.
I go to a support group once a week for this issue. If you don't have a F.A. group near you, Al-Anon is also very helpful in dealing with this. We can't do it alone, it is too big and too overwhelming. I encourage you to seek out a support group and try it out for a while and see if it helps.
There are reasons why we can't "stick to our guns" --because with codependency we are powerless to do so. I also encourage you to educate yourself on the issue of codependency and enabling. There is a lot of good info on this website about that.
You can learn to set boundaries, not accept the unacceptable, teach people how you want to be treated and if they treat you poorly what to do about that and how to handle it.
It's definitely a process and I wish you all the best! (If you go to the Families Anonymous website look up the piece of literture on Setting Boundaries) It is a booklet. Angie Carter

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