What do I do now?

Everything is crashing down all at once. I was first told that I was codependent two years ago but didn't quite believe the diagnosis. I kept saying to myself that it is my husband with the problem, why am I the one being labeled as codependent and "dysfunctional".

My husband has a gambling problem. I swear that he has narcissistic personality disorder as well...he has turned our family life upside down for the last 5+ years. Our teenage son is now acting out...he's been diagnosed as depressed, but is very angry, aggressive, and has attempted suicide two times in the last couple of months.

I feel lost...and weak. My husband is gambling again and I swore that if it ever happened again we (the kids and I)would be gone. I feel disgusted with myself because I have yet again let him manipulate me. He told me (after being caught gambling) that he did it because he feels bad about himself.

He claims to have voices telling him to gambling, lie, and behave in erratic ways. He goes on to say that he is a loser and he wouldn't blame me for leaving him but without me he would either be in jail or dead. He plays on the fact that I am a naturally kind soul...I care for everyone, never want any hurt, harm, or danger to come to anyone. In the meantime I am hurting...not only physically but emotionally.

I feel weak...drained is a better description. What do I do now? I feel like I don't have the energy or know how to do anything more that accept the situation as I always have...

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Jan 11, 2011
There is Hope One day at a time
by: Mr. Recovering

I can only speak from personal experience.

The farther you get away from the problem, the more clear it will become. You have to get away to save yourself.

Ultimately you can only be responsible for yourself. If you have to break all ties with the people sharing in this problem, then, that is what you must do. They will obviously not let you go to be yourself. They need you to enable their behavior and you need them to enable your behavior.

Get as much counseling as you can afford. You will find sane people to help you see what is going on with your life and try to help you see what you need to do to find recovery.

The farther you GET AWAY from the problem, the more clear it will become.

God bless.

Dec 24, 2010
Is this bottom?
by: Don

Hi there,

I used to say I was sorry to hear things like this when people told me about their pain...but then I learned how pain is our friend. When we get enough of it we reach a threshold and say ENOUGH!! We call that hitting bottom or finding the "jumping off point."

You are at the proverbial "jumping off point"...(that means jumping off into recovery - NOT jumping off a cliff or tall building!!)

Its time for you to learn about your part in this relationship. Every addict needs a co-addict. I know that's hard to hear, but it is something you have to accept, learn about and get into recovery from if you want the kind of life you yearn for! I pray that this is it for you...the first days of the rest of a long and wonderful life.

It's not that hard after you get over the hump on the bottom...it gets worse at first, then it gets good, then it gets real, then it gets REAL GOOD.

If you are depleted of energy, get in to see a counselor who knows about addiction and codependency; who can guide you and help you take measures at your own pace. It's time for someone to help you for a change!

Don Carter

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