Want to do things differently
For as long as I can remember I have believed that I was no good, stupid, hopeless, a failure. Stupid, I know. My father was a harsh disciplinarian who would watch everything I did, if I spilt my milk I would get a belting, if I spoke my mind, I would get a belting. I only ever saw him on Sunday's, it was the worst day of the week because it was the day I would be disciplined for all I had done during the week according to the report my mother would give him. I cannot remember my mother ever telling me she loved me, not once. All I can remember is her telling me that every mistake or bad thing that happened to me was all my fault and that I was to blame and to not ask for anything because I was a nuisance.
I now have three beautiful children of my own, all under 5 years of age. I love them so much, and I tell them that everyday. I tell them that I am so blessed to have them and that God gave them to me as a gift and that out of all the children in the world I would have picked them. I want my kids to grow up knowing that they are so precious and valuable but I still have this terrible fear inside that I am going to fail. That I will damage them and hurt them and wound them. I need to get over my own past so I can give them a more secure and solid future.
How does a person change the way that they think and really discover the truth of who they are when they have believed a lie for so long?
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