this hits me in the gut

I have dealt with this for over 30 years. My abandonment issues have exploded in the past two years. I had an alcoholic abusive father and an emotionally disconnected work-alcoholic mother. Neither used the word love or were affectionate. I had to tell my drunk father to leave the house when I was 7 a situation both he and my mother put me in.

I have dealt with negative self talk and eruptions of self hate issues for my entire life. These get less when I am in a stable relationship but sadly I have been through 2 horrible divorces and recently have experienced multiple rejections in my relationships. Each time it starts great but when they begin to with draw from me....I lose my mind and begin clinging.....I can't contain this. I am glad to know that this isn't my fault. I need help!!!

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