Tears flowing Again

As I sit here and read, I realize what I must do and it is literally breaking my heart. My 34 year old Son (only child) has started drinking again after 2 and one half years of sobriety. The sobriety came after a single car crash that left him a quadriplegic.

Through prayers and love and his hard work,he is now a high functioning quad that ambulates with a cane. He has strayed away from AA and God slowly over time. We have helped him financially quite a bit. I just found out 2 days ago that he is drinking on the sly again. He also quit smoking for the same time and since he has esophageal issues the smoking cigarettes is very harmful to him. He is also smoking again, even though he can not afford the basics in life.

I have not confronted him with my knowledge yet. I wanted to be sure I knew what I wanted to do. Also felt the need to protect my source of information. Since it is his ex-wife the mother of his only child a 9 year old boy. They get along well and I don't want to make waves there.

My biggest fear in withholding all the financial stuff from him is suicide. He has never tried it or spoke of it and has had a great attitude all during recovery and rehab. He is currently doing testing to enter college and get a career that he can do with his limited abilities. He is also participating in a treadmill study that is helping him improve his gait. If I withdraw support he will not be able to continue either. Although the treadmill only has a couple more weeks to complete.

I don't think he could do the 2 to 4 year college while using,so that is probably less of an issue. I understand from what I read that I must stop enabling him. It is hard enough to do when they are healthy. Doing it to a disabled child is killing me. How much do I withdraw? We pay his phone, truck insurance, gas bill and give him cash. Do I take it all? If so when and for how long ? Any help appreciated.

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May 13, 2010
by: Don Carter

Hello...it sounds like things are coming to a showdown with you and your son. To turn your head might be watching him self-destruct and possibly die. To confront and withdraw support would surely be "cause for pause" on his part.

There is a process for handling these things and it is a bit involved. It is called Intervention and it can help even for someone in relapse...but only if it is done in the right way. Check out the page below by copying and pasting the link to your browser...


At the bottom of that page are two more links to the two best sites on the net for intervention. STUDY them well and come back here to share as often as you need to. My prayers are with you.

I am sure others who have been where you are will be able to give some insight as well.

God Bless and Good luck!!!

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