Sons death from an enabling parent.

I buried my oldest step-son one month ago. He actually died from a drug overdose, but his mother and step father enabled him by giving him a place to live rent free, food and a vehicle to drive therefore allowing him to have money to buy drugs. They said they did it because they loved him and couldn't let him live out on the streets.

They thought my husband (his dad) and I were horrible because we wouldn't help him financially. He lost his house because he got into debt so far that he couldn't make his house payment and we wouldn't help him. He had to sell his car to get money to move 1000 miles away to his mothers home.

My husband and I begged them to make him accountable, but they wouldn't. We offered to pay for rehab, but he wouldn't go. It's not easy to walk away from your child and not help them when you know that's what you really want to do. But I encourage and beg you to have the strength to do just that so that you don't have to face buring your child too.

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Nov 14, 2017
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Brother Death
by: Anonymous

Two years ago I begged my step father to stop enabling my brother by giving him money and a place to stay. I told my father that he was killing my brother and that if he kept on that my brother would die. My father yelled out "well let him die". That is exactly what he did, he died from an overdose at his drug dealer’s house and his body was dumped in the woods like trash. This happen just over a month ago and I am dying inside. I talked, I begged, I loved, I gave space, I took space. Now I feel like maybe there was something else that I should have done. Kidnapped him, turn him in to rehab or maybe took him on Judge Mathis. My father and mother now feel guilty but it’s too late now. I’m having the hardest time accepting this, my brother didn’t have to die this way. Please don’t enable your children or any family members. It only leads to them not being able to take care of themselves and having no real since of reality and the outcome is death.

Feb 05, 2016
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Enabler
by: Anonymous

My ex-husband was just charged with hindering an investigation which lead to the overdose of our son, age 24. My son was found unresponsive on the railroad tracks and suffered a heart attack in the ER and was dead for 4 minutes. He fell into a coma for 5 weeks and we were told we may have to let him go. Well he woke up and it's a miracle he is regaining function of his body but still cannot stand on his own and has suffered significant cognitive deficiencies. His father enabled him while he was on the run from police and suicidal by hiding him and giving him large amounts of money to appease him. PLEASE if you are enabling an addict STOP and think about what you could live with seeing your child on life support and the tremendous weight of not knowing if they will live and if so how. My son is one of the lucky ones. Others in our hospital are not..they will never speak or move their bodies again and they are only in their 20 s!


Apr 23, 2015
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My sister is doing the same thing!
by: Anonymous

My sister has a 23 yr old alcoholic son that she enables. These stories sound JUST like her! He destroyed the family. He has been in and out of the hosiptal for years and never follows through with rehab. My sister never follows through with her threats to put him out if he does not go. He lies and steals from her, treats her like shit. His most recent episode landed him in the hospital with brain damage that may be permanent. The hospital got him into a residential treatment program and sis refused to let him stay there. Saying it was not a nice place! As if Rehab is supposed to be NICE! The kid punched holes in her walls, pissed and shit all over their house, but the rehab is not nice enough for him. So, once again, he is in control and has now dragged my mother into it. This enabling will kill him and she will be to blame.

Jan 29, 2012
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I cant stop crying
by: AnonymousTB

Thank you I now know what i need to do. Please pray for me to stay strong. My son will get out of treatment in about 5 weeks.

May 03, 2011
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SELFISH people give addicts too much!
by: Anonymous

Very so to here of your loss! I fear my 18 year old my be doomed to the same future. My mother is like your step-son's mother and step-father, SELFISH. Too worried about how your step-son's situation made them feel, rather than what it was doing to him, enabling them!

Being that you begged them not to do this, and I assume, explained why, I suppose you did what you could. Not very comforting though, I would bet.
My son left home at 18 and hit rock bottom 5 long months later. He was going to do a 30-day in-patient rehab program and agreed to do out-patient after that and sign a paper saying his dad and I could see his drug test results. He was only willing to this because he was being kicked out of his apartment and had no job and the living in a dump was getting to him. He asked to come home.

The next day my parents took him out to dinner because they knew how depressed and upset he had become. I called him a few hours later to see how he was feeling (worried about the depression) and he had a party going and informed me he wouldn't be doing any drug programs afterall because my parents said he could live with them.
Parents said they had only offered him to stay a couple of days while the in-patient program was being setup. I told them what he had told me, but that I believed they had only offered a couple day stay and they should let my son know this wasn't a long term thing.

Well, it's a month later, mom is buying his cig.'s, giving him food and free rent, not drug program has started, and she's got him a laywer to get him out of the drug charge he got after being there only a week.

Yeah, my husband and I are the bad ones just like you and yours. The nerve of us wanting help for our son's at the risk it could make them upset. After all, we could be selfish like them, but maybe they are just so damn selfish they need all the credit for killing them.

If you are reading this and you are an enabler, get honest with yourself and stop!

Once again, I am so sorry for your loss and scared to death it will be my son next. You and your son will be in my prayers tonite!

Jul 23, 2010
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Thanks...
by: Anonymous

My condolences... I think this is a good testimonial/memorial for your step-son. If someone else reads this and it makes a difference, then his passing is not necessarily in vain.

Let's pray others get the message.

Don


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