I was in a four year relationship with a man I found out betrayed me on so many levels. First of all he was admitted to the hospital last June with kidney failure. In the hospital I found out he used meth and alcohol. He almost died and I stood by his side while he was hospitalized. After he got out of the hospital his drinking got worse and worse. He would not talk about why he was drinking so much my natural instinct was to stay away from him so I wouldn't see him for days he would stay at his place when I would stay at mine. He has a 6 year old daughter that he shares custody with even around her you would have beers every night after work then one night in November he was driving to my place and got stopped for a DWI he went to jail. I once again stood by his side got his truck out of impound and called in sick for him to work it seems like he was depressed and it just got worse and worse by the moment then last week. He was gambling every paycheck and it was driving me nuts I would talk about it with him but he was in denial I found myself helping him make it to Payday and he would pay me back in some weird way I thought that was okay last weekend we went to the casino to see if show and have dinner we drove separately there because I had a big meeting the next day and he was at work so it was closer for him to drive to the casino after the show he wanted to stay behind and play poker I said it was his decision so he decided to stay he called me at 1:30 in the morning and again at 3:30 in the morning I could tell in his voice that he was very drunk I thought that he might sleep in his truck that night and not drink and drive however my gut told me to get up early in the morning and go to his apartment when I got to his apartment the door was unlocked I unlock the door and saw him laying in bed with a transvestite he told me that they did nothing wrong and as the transvestite was leaving the apartment she would not talk or give me answers I got so angry I was yelling and screaming and crying all these emotions came flooding I didn't know what to do I went to my meeting acting like nothing was wrong but in my head I was so betrayed lost confused he tried calling me the next day to explain and I didn't want to hear any excuses I told him to leave me alone and that I was done with this relationship I haven't heard from him and it's been 5 days I feel so empty sad mad and it's hard for me to let go I know this is a toxic codependent relationship and I have been in one of those long ago told myself I would never do it again I ask for your advice

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Feb 04, 2018
Stick with it...
by: Don Carter


I am going to let others share their experience, strength, and hope with you because that is usually the best medicine.

But I will suggest to you that things will get better, IF you maintain your distance for at least a few more weeks, hope full much longer.

With Codependency, we can go through a similar withdrawal period that an addict or alcoholic would go through when they quit their drug. But if you stick with it, go to some Alanon and Codependents Anonymous meetings, or a Celebrate Recovery meeting, you can break the addiction.

The emptiness, sadness, and anger is likely to be from a long history of abandonment, shame, and contempt -- not from his absence.

God Luck and best wishes,
Don Carter

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