Really could use some helpful insight, advice, and prayer...
My girlfriend had some pretty traumatic abandonment issues early in her childhood where her twin brother died. She was left having to deal with feeling as if it were her fault. She also felt responsible for the difficulties her mother went through during the time. I remember her mother would make passive aggressive comments implying that she was to blame in some way for her twin brothers death.
All of these issues seem to be coming to the forefront in our relationship. She doesn't seem to be aware of her actions. She has claimed that I am never there for her and has frequently said I can't be there for her. When I provide understanding and ask how I can be there for her she goes on about all the reasons I can't. There have been times where she has been let down by little things such as me being tired on a date or something that I have no control over such as work. I have to go to work to make money and make a living yet she feels I work too much (I work part time) and never have enough time. When I offered to take time off work or get my shift covered she doesn't want me to be "inconvenienced" or suddenly changes her mind and says she has plans. She often will shut off and dissociate or go into protest behavior. I am left feeling blamed and ashamed of not being a good enough boyfriend, as well and ironically enough I am abandoned by her and am yelled at or told to leave. In those cases I may leave and then get an angry phone call asking why I left, and am then accused of abandoning her. There have been times where I decided I would stay and console her despite her yelling at me and telling me to leave but then of course I would be blamed and accused of letting her down.
From what I know about abandonment issues it sounds like she really does want me there she just doesn't want to sound needy and has no clue how to ask for what she needs, and for good reason. She is suffering immense pain and on top of this deals with other issues that haven't been fully resolved. I know she needs help although she doesn't think she really needs professional help or resists the idea of seeing a therapist.
We are going to couples therapy where I hope I can get more clarity. This feels like such a mess... Any wise advice is much appreciated.
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