Question?? Chronic lateness...

by Elena

It seems that all over the internet there are "hypnotherapy CDs", and theories about what is going on subconsciously for just about every "patho-behavior" except mine - I am chronically late. It is not situational; i.e. "I don't like my job so I'm late".

I am late to things that as far as I "know", I consciously really am excited about. Its not just oversleeping (which I sometimes do). I can have HOURS to get ready to leave for something, more than adequate time than needed; but I will find things that "need" to be done to fill up... and "overflow" the space.

Any "conscious" behavioral techniques I have tried: i.e. timers, strict schedules, "check-in" with friend; haven't helped (I just ignore them). Every day I vow I am going to be early to every timed appointment/event; and every day I am late to all.

Obviously this is being driven by some subconscious process. I wasn't always like this. It has slowly developed over the past 10 years (I'm mid-40), but now has worsened to the point of causing chaos in my life. My job is in jeopardy, and this is caused strain in every important relationship in my life.

I don't see any positive "hook", unless my subconscious sees being homeless, penniless, friendless, and family-less a good thing! Why am I doing this? And, more importantly; how do I stop?

Does anyone have any experience with this; or any ideas, suggestions????

Thank you,

And take your time!


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Feb 08, 2010
Moving comments under the right forum heading
by: Kathleen D. Cone

Don, I don't mind one bit if you move comments like my idea for visualizations to a different forum that is more appropriate, esp if it's out of context with what the original subject was this case, 'chronic lateness' but I'd love to know where the comment ends up when you do. Then I'll use that forum to post other visualization ideas. *s Kathy

Feb 08, 2010
Easy Visualizations
by: Kathleen D. Cone


Idea 1. Bathtub:

May I suggest that I think an easy visualization at least for most women, is getting into a warm bathtub... There's just something so comforting about that and it's easy to visualize because it's a common thing most of us do....

I can easily see myself turning on the water and hearing it filling (because I don't want it to overflow so I'm familiar with listening to that sound) and taking the time to put in bathsalts and having aroma thearpy going by candle light...and just getting in the tub and laying back in the warm water...

I think once in the tub at that point the visualization can actually become more real as if you are actually in the tub, because all you see in front of you are your legs and the faucets and it's easy to go from outside yourself to see yourself actually being there in the tub as if it's really happening.

That's probably why commercials selling things like bath products commonly use subliminal messages like " Calgon take me away!" ...

If a billion dollar industry knows it works to sell a product.. I'm guessing it will be an easy beginners visualization since most of us are preprogramed already.*s


Feb 07, 2010
by: Don

I'm looking forward to hearing about your progress Kathy!

Also, I plan to make a new page this week outlining some things to keep in mind about how to construct effective visualizations.

I'm also creating some new programs with various visualizations built in. Let me know some topics you would like to see covered.

Feb 07, 2010
I'm going to begin doing what you instructed right away
by: Kathleen D. Cone


Thank you for that point by point explaination of how to retrain the subconsious mind and the URL links that explain better why, and how and what to expect as a good result, with practice.

I'm going to put into effect what you have explained on a myriad of levels... starting with easy things first so I can have successes along the way to keep encouraging me to take on more difficult challenges.. *At least that's my plan! *s

Such as the breathing challenges ... I can put myself in a place where I feel like I can breath because there is a breeze outside and it's warm and comfortable.... and I'm relaxed and enjoying the environment and see myself naturally healthy and breathing effortlessly...

That I can image and do!... and in the meantime narrate to myself how great it feels to be there and how great it feels to breath in the breeze and how this is the way I really like living my life and feeling so well and so on.....

thank you again for this wise advice... not to try to fight the problem but to reprogram the positive, so that it becomes part of my neural network, to be drawn from consiously as I work to get this whole issue out of my way, in life...

I'll let you know how i'm doing!


Dec 31, 2009
by: godbear

You don't say if you grew up in a dysfunctional family. I assume you did. If so, your statement near the end of your post...does my subconscious mind want me to be penniless and homeless (or words to that effect) might be answered "YES"

If childhood messages were 'you will never amount to anything', etc., by being chronically late, you can make that message true. In my own life I received two dominant messages. One was, 'you are smart and can do anything you want to do.' And the other was, 'you don't apply yourself, you are lazy, you waste time,etc.'

As I reflect back over the years it became quite clear that I had worked to make both of these messages true. When I worked hard and got ahead in life, it would come to not feel right. And, dang if I wouldn't shoot myself in the foot and loose it all. After wallowing in 'I am not worth it' for a while, I would start building up again...only to repeat the pattern of self sabotage.

I don't know if that fits your situation or not. But I can say it took me a long time to accept this was happening in by life. My subconscious is a deep place with layers and layers of stuff I have even now not seen. Hang in. It will change if you work at in the right way. Good luck.

Dec 31, 2009
Proper Focus...
by: Don Carter

Hi Elena...thanks for your question!

The first thing I noticed is that you are focusing very hard on stopping what you DON'T want (being late)...rather than focusing on what you DO want (being punctual).

I also noticed you are trying to use conscious problem solving techniques to solve an unconscious problem.

If you'd like to learn more about how to "re-program" your subconscious mind there are several things you need to know first. So here are my suggestions:

#1. Read this page:

(copy & paste links into your browser's address bar)

#2. Study this page:

#3. Design a visualization "program" based upon what you learn in #2

#4. Choose one of my free MP3 programs for developing a relaxed state (found on the bottom of the page identified in item #1 above)...

#5. 10 minutes into the MP3 the spoken word stops and the music remains for another 10 minutes... use that time to run the visualization program you developed in #3. (do this regularly for a few weeks)

If there are no internal objections this should do it for you. If there's a part of you that objects to this change you may need to seek individual help from a professional who is trained in mind-body communication.

If you do SKYPE I can make some time to help you do this. You can email me at the "Contact Don" button to the left side of this page, or call me at 573-634-2254 (Missouri).

Take Care,

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