There is a kind of love that slowly stops being love.
It starts with caring. Then helping. Then understanding. Then forgiving.
And somewhere along the way, helping becomes rescuing. Understanding becomes excusing. Forgiving becomes accepting the same broken promises over and over again.
Boundaries disappear. Their problems become our problems. Their moods determine our moods. Their crises give us something to fix.
And without realizing it, we can begin organizing our entire life around someone else.
Examples of Enabling:
Repeatedly bailing them out – of jail, financial problems, other “tight spots” they get themselves into
Giving them “one more chance” – then another…and another…
Ignoring the problem – because they get defensive when you bring it up or your hope that it will magically go away
Joining them in the behavior when you know they have a problem with it – Drinking, gambling, etc.
Joining them in blaming others – for their own feelings, problems, and misfortunes
Accepting their justifications, excuses, and rationalizations – “I’m destroying myself with alcohol because I’m depressed”.
Avoiding problems – keeping the peace, believing a lack of conflict will help
Doing things for them - that they should be able to do for themselves
Softening or removing natural consequences of their problem behavior
Trying to “fix” them or their problem
Repeatedly coming to the “Rescue”
Trying to control them or their problem
That is the territory of codependency.
One of the hardest realizations in recovery is that codependency can function a lot like an addiction—an addiction to an external focus. If I stay busy enough worrying about you, fixing you, rescuing you, or trying to get you to change, I don’t have to look too closely at what is happening inside me.
And needy, troubled, unavailable people can provide an endless supply of that external focus.
Sometimes we even leave one relationship only to find ourselves in another version of the same one.
Different face.
Same dance.
“Loving Too Much” is about reaching that point where we finally begin to understand:
I can love you without rescuing you.
I can care about you without carrying you.
I can let you experience the consequences of your choices.
And I can turn some of that enormous capacity for love back toward myself.
Recovery isn’t learning to love less.
It’s learning to love without abandoning yourself in the process.
This week’s Sunday Serenade is Loving Too Much.
🎧 Turn it up, listen to the story, and see if any part of it sounds familiar.
#SundaySerenade #LovingTooMuch #Codependency #Recovery #Boundaries #Enabling #SelfAbandonment #Healing #Relationships #SerenityCafe
