Part 6: Creator Mentality & the LSPM
Victim Mentality is the Language of Survival Mode, Creator Mentality is the Language of Growth Mode.
The Drama Triangle, by Steve Karpman, forms the mindset of those who play relationship and/or psychological mind games. David Emerald's Empowerment Dynamic is the positive opposite of the model. These patterns are neither true nor false, they are each a MINDSET that gives us a way to see ourselves, others, and the world in general. When we adopt one of these mindsets we act out the roles.
Victim Mentality vs Creator Mentality
The Language of Survival Mode & Growth Mode
Our communication pattern is a major clue to us that we have been triggered into a reactive ego-state. The language of the reactive, triggered parts-of-self is always Victim Mentality! When we remain in growth mode, we can tell because the language of our proactive, executive functioning self is always Creator Mentality!
The question we need to ask ourselves is: "Which of these two mindsets is productive and which is destructive? Which mindset helps and which one hurts?" When we get triggered into survival mode we can be sure the victim mentality will come with that. When we are in growth mode, it is easier and more natural to adopt the roles in the creator mentality.
The challenge is to develop the ability to move into the Creator mentality (growth-mode) EVEN as we are being triggered into a life script, aka survival mode. This ability of dual awareness is required as a pre-requisite to integration (healing).
Below is an image of the Victim & Creator Mentality Therapy Card that I use with my clients and students here at the academy. When we are triggered into Survival Mode, we act out a Life Script as outlined in the LSPM Card (Below).
Hi, this is Don Carter. I'd like to share with you. Steve Karpman's Drama Triangle. The drama triangle is a problem focused mindset that we get triggered into whenever we're and survival mode. It forms a foundation at the very core of every dysfunctional psychological and relationship mind game that we can play. In order to play the drama triangle, we need a persecutor, a rescuer and a victim.
Let's say the persecutor is dad who comes home from work and he's angry and irritable. He finds his son's bike in the driveway. When he comes in, he notices the twelve-year-old boy has not taken out the garbage, which is his new chore. So he jumps all over Johnny for not taking out the garbage. Mom, seeing Johnny as a victim of Dad's bad day, begins to rescue him by jumping all over dad for persecuting Johnny.
Dad then moves into the victim role, yelling at mom, saying he was just trying to teach Johnny good work ethic and get him to follow through on his shores. This starts a big fight. Johnny then moves out of the victim role into the persecutor as he yells at mom for jumping on dad. So, you can see where the term drama comes in in the drama triangle. It's not having these three roles, it's the ability for family members to shift from one role to another that creates the drama and chaos in the family.
So we learn the drama triangle early on in our lives, but we become much more sophisticated in how we play the game later in our adult relationships. If you watch the news or get on Facebook very often you'll see the drama triangle played out by groups of people as well as individuals. One feeling like the rescuer helping save victims from the main persecutors. This is because it's become our way of life. There is another option, however.
An alternative to the drama triangle is the empowerment dynamic created by David Emerald. As already mentioned, the drama triangle is a problem focused mindset that we get into when we're triggered into survival mode. In growth mode, we can choose the empowerment dynamic. The empowerment dynamic is an opportunity focused mindset that we can choose. When we're in growth mode, it flips the triangle upside right.
In this model, the victim becomes a creator, refusing to play the victim and taking accountability for creating the life that he or she wants. The Rescuer becomes a coach. The difference between a rescuer and a coach is if I'm on the football field playing a game and I don't know what to do next, I can call a time out, go to the sideline and consult with my coach. After consulting with the coach, I can return to the game and implement the strategies we discussed. A rescuer, on the other hand, would put me on the bench and go in and try to play the game for me.
In this model, there are no such things as persecutors and a persecutor could be anything like a person or it could be a medical condition or a financial situation. It's a problem but there are no problems. There are only opportunities in the empowerment dynamic. We look at everything as a challenger offering an opportunity for growth. I just need to be able to make the right choices, consult the right coaches and find a way to overcome the challenge that I face.
I must also keep in mind that if I'm already good at something it offers me no opportunity for growth. It's those challenges in life that help me grow. It would be nice if it were so simple we could just simply choose this opportunity-focused mindset. However, when we're triggered we go into survival mode that's when we're caught up in our life scripts and it becomes difficult to make such choices if not impossible.
However, with recovery oriented therapies and twelve step work we can overcome those wounds that keep us stuck in those life scripts and enter into growth mode. When we realize the degree of complexity in making the shift from the problem focused model to the opportunity focused model we may select to retain a coach such as a therapist or a twelve step sponsor to help us heal enough to be able to be more choice in which mindset governs our life.
You can learn more about the drama triangle and the empowerment dynamic in the Serenity Cafe Academy and several of the courses there. You can also read more about it in my book. Thawing toxic Relationships thanks for listening
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