Children Can't Fight & They Can't Escape; So They Become POWs

How Parts Work & IFS Heal Childhood Wounds & Find Freedom

Sometimes the most protective parts of us were born in the most powerless moments of our lives.

💭 Imagine a child in a home where fighting, chaos, or neglect is the norm. The child can’t fight back against adults. They can’t run away. They’re trapped — a Prisoner of War (POW) in their own home.

👉 And yet, their mind finds ways to survive. Protector Parts step forward like resourceful fellow prisoners:

• Managers keep the child compliant, quiet, or invisible.

• Firefighters leap into action to numb the pain with food, fantasy, substances, or rage.

• Exiles — the wounded inner children — are pushed deep down, carrying unbearable loneliness, shame, or fear.

These strategies are brilliant in the moment. They help the child survive. But in adulthood, they can become prisons of their own — keeping us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us.

---

🧩 Fictitious Examples of Protector Parts

1. The Invisible POW Samantha grew up with a volatile father. Her Manager part decided the safest strategy was to never be noticed. She became the “good girl,” quiet, straight-A student, never asking for help. As an adult, she still feels invisible at work, rarely speaking up, even when she has valuable insights.

2. The Firefighter Escape Artist Marcus’s childhood was marked by constant criticism. His Firefighter discovered that video games and later alcohol could transport him out of the battlefield of shame. Now, when stress builds, his first impulse is escape — though he longs for healthier ways to cope.

3. The Exile in Solitary Angela’s mother abandoned the family when she was 6. Her Exile part carried the unbearable grief and belief, “I’m not worth staying for.” To keep that pain at bay, protectors walled off this tender part like a prisoner in solitary confinement. As an adult, intimacy terrifies her — because closeness threatens to unlock that cell.

---

🧠 Internal Family Systems (IFS) teaches that these parts aren’t our enemies. They’re heroes who adapted under impossible circumstances. Healing begins not by tearing down the prison walls with force, but by befriending the protectors and giving the exiles what they always needed: compassion, safety, and connection. Inner Family Systems Therapy (IFS) offers tools for these purposes. Below these IFS tools are integrated with my R.A.D.I.C.A.L Reintegration Protocols.

✨ The 8C’s of True-Self Energy (IFS)

1. Calm – Grounded, relaxed presence

2. Curiosity – Gentle interest without judgment

3. Clarity – Clear, focused thinking

4. Compassion – Kindness toward self and others

5. Confidence – Trust in your own wisdom

6. Courage – Willingness to face difficulty

7. Creativity – Openness to new solutions

8. Connectedness – Feeling in relationship with others and self

✨The 6 F’s of Working with Parts (IFS)

• Find – Notice a part (usually begins with a feeling or thought)

• Focus – Turn your attention inward to explore that part

• Flesh Out – Learn about the part’s emotions, role, appearance, history

• Feel Toward – Check how you feel toward the part (8 C’s)

• BeFriend – Build a trusting relationship with the part

• Fear – Discover what fear the part holds that keeps it from changing

🔑 Freedom doesn’t come from fighting our parts, but from Self-leadership — when the core Self (calm, curious, compassionate) steps forward and leads the system like a wise liberator. Below the R.A.D.I.CAL Reinteration is blended with the 6 Fs & 8 Cs.

✨ R.A.D.I.C.A.L, The Six Fs, & The 8 Cs

• R: Recognize Reactivity → Find & Feel Toward (8 C’s)

• A: Allow, Appreciate, Ask → Focus on & Feel Toward (8 C’s)

• D: Disidentify → Separate from the Part to Create a Dyad or Twosome

• I: Investigate → Flesh Out & Feel Toward (8 C’s)

• C: Call Forward True Self → BeFriend & Feel Toward (8 C’s)

• A: Achieve Consensus → Address Fears & Feel Toward (8 C’s)

• L: Let Go of the Old - Learn the New

✨ Reflection Questions:

1. Which parts of you feel like POWs, trapped by old patterns?

2. Which protectors have been “guards” for your vulnerable parts?

3. How might your Self begin offering them a way out — not through force, but through compassion?

---