opening up old wounds
Yesterday I went to my first therapy session with a psychotherapist. I told him I am finally ready to deal with my issues head on because my inner demons are starting to spill over and hurt my family. So heres my story in a nutshell. My mother was 19 and my father was 20 when I was born. They were very much into the party scene and continued to live that life. Even if that meant I had to go to the partys with them. My mom left us when I was 3 so she could have the freedom she was so eager to have. So my Dad (who has major issues of his own) was left to raise me. He was emotionally absent virtually my whole childhood. I was of course very lonely as a child. I grew up to be a resentful teenager, luckily I had people in my life (church) that helped stear me out of the self destruction I was doing to myself. I grew up got married have 2 children and have a good career as a nurse. But my false self is starting to be self destructive again. I dont want to chase my family away. So my therapist told me to revisit my most earliest memories and let the emotions and feelings come up and he told me it would hurt like hell but to welcome it becasue its part of the healing process. My question is HOW? My whole life I have supressed my feelings how am i supposed to just tell my subconscious "ok you can tell me how you really feel now, Im ready" I just dont even know where to start.
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