Now what?!

by John
(Chicago)

I've realized I've major abandonment issues. I understand the power of the sub conscious mind. I affirm, visualize, and try to do things that keep me balanced.

However, the problem is this: what do I do about my current situation now that I've realized I've abandonment issues? I married someone who I knew would never leave me. I married intelligently. I did not marry for love. I have never fallen in love because of fear of abandonment. I actually thought I was gay. It was only this month I realized how the whole iceberg model described me to the core.

What do I do now? I wanna fall in love. The wife is a different matter 'cause remember she was married for practical, sensible reasons? She is nice, takes care of me, does everything to keep us happy, but still, I married her only for my own selfish reasons.

Having realized my core issues, and trying to fix them, I've suddenly realized, I've never had a proper love relationship. They were all about neediness, clingy ness and sappy.

Am I a bad guy? Why did I spent all my life hiding that pain of abandonment? Why am I realizing all this now? I should just resign and let go and perhaps wait for another life?! What a waste of a life!

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