Need advice on what to do with GF's kids.

by Darrell
(Oklahoma)

My GF's kids are, son 20, daughter 16. The son is a peace of work. He stayed with his dad, after their divorce. The father never worked, took out loans, by forging GF name. He got caught, blaming GF for him having no money. The son now 20 going on 21, expects his mother to help him.

His back ground is this, his mom has sent money to help raise him till 18, but has continued to send money each month. The son told by his father for several years "your mom has done nothing to help you",the son wouldn't talk with mom during this time, because of what his dad says.
Well the son does not hold down any job more than a pay check or two, buys his drugs, hangs out with his friends. At 19, him and a friend get on some drugs, burn down part of a church, part of a grade school, and steal a vehicle. And yes they get caught, telling the police, "they are bored". After a week mom finds out. But only parts at that time.

She sends him money for a phone card and stuff in jail. He never calls his mom, just dad. After several months in jail, he is out on a personal bond. Goes and hangs out with his friends and does drugs again. Gets warned by court and test positive again. Is put back in jail again. His lawyer is allowed to quit, because not being paid. Even though mom sent the money. Not sure who kept it and spent it. Him or his dad.

Well, I got involved some. I hired him a lawyer, got him out of jail. With the understanding he stays with his mom and me. Gets a job and starts paying his fines and other things, gets on his feet.

Well, he won't look for a job, wants us to buy him cigarettes, fix, tag, and insure his pickup. So he can go get a job. He sleeps till noon and stays up late at night. Wants us to fill out applications. His idea of job hunting is leave his name and number. He has been with us three months and does nothing but talk about getting back to friends. He has been in counseling, but doesn't want to go. He has anger, lies, wants his drugs and feels everything is owed him, takes no responsibility for his actions. Even says everyone is against him.

Now comes the daughter 16, has been with mom the whole time. She is drug free and sometimes nice to be around. But has started disrespecting both of us. Saying her dad would let her, not cleaning up room and throwing a fit if she doesn't get her way. She wants to go to her dads. He can't help, heck he stays with cousins of his and has no money. Mom thinks this might be a good learning experience for her.

My GF, which I want to marry one day has asked my opinion.
I'm at a loss of what we should do. I think the son is a lost cause, and will be in jail soon, we are not paying his fines and he needs to want to. The daughter I think, is very stubborn, and needs a wake-up call about dad.
Any advice???

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