My son in law needs to grow up at the age of 45.

by Patty
(Lincoln, Ne...usa)

My son in law came to stay with us after day camp prison. He moved from another town to get a new start. He stayed with us until he got a job, and saved for his apartment and a car. Now a year later, he was 3 months behind his rent, and got kicked out. Owing several hundreds of repair. He came to us for a couple of days until he found several friends to take turns crashing in their apartments. Then they all kicked him out and his car was stolened. Probably drug related. So he is back here. He is lazy, and does not help. He did go with his father to help but all he does is sit and play with his phone (Internet). He does have a job, but it was lowered because of lots of being late and not showing up. So now with hundreds of dollars that needs to be pay back, ( taken out of his check), he will never be able to catch up unless he stays with us for another year. He will not get a second job, and he will not take a bus. I need help for this is our retirement age, and I do not want to have to raise this lazy kid. His father will not let him go out on his own in the freezing weather, and I guess I can see that, but I think he needs a taste of being homeless. I need your help...it’s getting to be at a point I might have to leave until he leaves. My nerves are shot.

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Mar 05, 2018
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My son n law needs to grow up at the age of45
by: Patty

Update on son in law. First I need to change the title. It’s my Step son.
He ended up moving in with us, He has so many bills to pay. Damage to his apt, fines with expired license, and a ticket for the plate since he didn’t do anything about it. No insurance. Anyway, he stayed with us with tons of rules. But those rules didn’t last long. We ended up putting him in an outdoor room, so he could go outside and smoke. We thought maybe that would wake him up, but no. Hubby fixed it so it wouldn’t be that cold. I am so sick of hubby still babing him. So we found him an apt like at the mission, at 400.00 a month. A real nice room, with 3 meals a day. I thought this would work, since no alcohol and drugs are forbidden. Hubby still had to take him to work and picked him up. That didn’t last long, so hubby had new plates on the sons car and got insurance. The second day getting his car back, he got arrested for drugs, and pipes. He is now in jail, waiting for him to go to court. Hubby said he will most likely just get a fine and get off. I have just had it. I guess what I am mostly upset is that hubby is doing everything for this kid. Like it’s a job. Only he doesn’t get paid. He loses money. This kids bills are piling up, and he will never get out of it. Right now I wish they would put him in jail, prison for a couple of years. And no kiddy camp that he was in before. I am losing my mind, and hubby and I are after each other because of this Step son. What can I do?

Feb 04, 2018
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There is help...
by: Don Carter

Hi Patty,

There is help, but these situations rarely get better over night -- it is usually a journey. You will have many decisions to make going forward. If you leave until he leaves, it may be a while if he ever leaves, especially if his father is his chief enabler.

I suggest checking here for feedback from others, read all the posts on this forum, and seek help from a professional who knows about addiction (and yes, phones and the Internet are the newest addictions.)

Again, you are going to be on a journey with this, regardless of whether you stay or go. So learn everything you can about addiction, enabling, and tough love.

Blessings to you,
Don

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