(Johannesburg, South Africa)
Don't play " Foxes and Rabbits" when you're the rabbit.
I remember my mother telling me it was a game. I never knew how to play the game. Now I understand why. It's no fun. The way I see it now? This drama triangle was the theme of my first 12 years. I learned to be hypervigilant. I am now over 50 and finally I can let the whole bag of pain go.
Whether I will ever have a relaxed relationship with anyone, I don't know; but I feel less depressed and stressed. Maybe I can now stop grinding my teeth.
The crazy part is that I am realising most people had some form of this little hell in their lives; meaning that any relationship will at some stage activate the unresolved issues described here.
Now I also understand why Buddhism (or any compassion based life principle) stresses the need to listen with open heart. The fact is we are so very seldom in relationship with the person in front of us. We are communicating to all the people who have voice tapes running in the other's head. And horrors! they are also communing with all the nightmares of my past.
Thank you for this site. It gave me a language.
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