Is this it?

We've been married for 20 years. We lived together for 4 years before that. He had several affairs but I forgave and moved on for the sake of our children. Now at 44 is this it?

I've come to realize he's got an addictive personality. If not extra marital sex, then internet, or cars, or something. I've dealt with depression all my life. I've finally got it under control only to realize that I'm angry, resentful, and feel that I've not bothered to pursue my goals. When he comes home he escapes to computer games, or internet.

Even though I'm a stay at home mom, I would like some support from him. I cook, clean house, take care of finances, maintain house, maintain his business finances, responsible for all laundry, kids homework. When I get mad that our teenage daughter needs to be responsible, he says that I create tension and bring everyone down in the family. I am a single mom in a marriage.

I wanted more and I feel time passing by. When I worked outside of the home, I was still responsible for all of the other duties. I couldn't physically do it all. He makes enough money, he just doesn't save it. When I try to talk to him about having weekly meetings, he avoids or forgets.

I am frustrated....surely there's something else in life? I don't want a divorce because of the impact of on our children. Besides we don't fight. We just get along. Time passes by as it does for all.

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Oct 04, 2011
empower yourself
by: Anonymous

hi, i have a lot of compassion for your situation. one of my best friends has dealt with a situation very similar to yours, and she has suffered a lot. it sounds to me that the power is not balanced between you and your husband. he has more, you have less. he is free to break his commitment to be faithful; you are expected to forgive and/or accept such behavior from him while still being expected to keep contributing to your marriage and the family same as ever. women have been programmed to allow this imbalance, and be punished when they challenge it. in spite of what we are led to believe, there is still a lot of patriarchal programming and behavior in our culture. for instance, you are not permitted to express your frustration about your daughter's behavior without being punished for not being constantly sweet and giving (which is an unrealistic expectation for ANYONE). when women buy into the concept that the top priority for them is to never upset anyone, no matter how upset they feel about another's behavior, that's a guarantee for being a doormat. i would also ask you how long you are willing to tolerate the current imbalances between you and your husband "for the sake of the kids". until they are confronted effectively, men (at least those with the behavior patterns you have described in your post) have very little incentive to change their behavior. i would encourage you to consider what your needs are in every area of your life and then become clear about what it will take to get those needs met. you don't have to do this all at once. just the realization that your needs are important and that you have the ability to honor them is a great start. two books i can recommend that may be helpful to you are: Unplugging the Patriarchy, and Nonviolent Communication. i wish you the best!

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