I am one of those people who are curious and on a quest to of self fixing. I gained a lot of awareness and glimpses of consciousnesses that makes things clear. The adult appears and take control and everything falls in the right place (from inner experience to behavior). Yet this state fades and whatever I built scrambles and everything goes back to its original state under my own nose. (i.e. I know that it is happening but I cannot change the state).
I keep swinging between a self maintained person, poised and in control to a person who is desperate for connection. If you live with me you'd think I am crazy. I am disappointed how come I have all this awareness yet I am not reaching a stability.
Does anyone know what I am talking about?
Please share your thoughts.