I'm rock bottom

I've hit that rock bottom, and here I am. With a history riddled with almost every addiction in the list, I have gotten to the point where I don't really own anything any more and I am actually afraid to own anything because of the pain that is attached to having it taken away.

I have never recognized my abandonment of things as being a way of coping with my own childhood abandonment issues. I just felt like I couldn't trust the world to not take anything away from me and that was that.

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Nov 08, 2009
Don't worry, I'm "hooked" ;)
by: Anonymous

Right now I'm just absorbing information as I can. Some very simple concepts take a lot me a lot of thought. Others I don't really seem quite ready to delve in to yet. The question about God and a child strikes me as being true but at the same time I feel myself start to panic if I try to really think about it.

There are no questions yet. Just a strange sense of shock like a blanket just got ripped up from over my eyes after spending a long time in the dark. And quiet amazement at the change I already see happening in myself. Today I actually felt like I enjoyed my day.

I actually said a prayer to God directly and got some answers, and even though I still have that nagging doubt, the important thing is that I got an answer back - something that has not happened to me in a very long time. I smiled when I read about the Little Professor later on today and realized this is "who" probably answered that prayer. To me, it was very comforting to learn that my mind naturally has this aspect about it so that... it doesn't really matter whether or not there is a God or what God I believe in because my mind takes care of itself. I just have to learn how to listen to it and push the self-critic's voice out. I also need to learn a new behavioral map. That's a lot of work but I feel like I'm ready to start.

If you see me post anything else in this forum, it will be as mxkx. I have another post here about how I had thought idolizing my mother as a child was "loopy".

Nov 06, 2009
Glad you're here!
by: Don Carter

Hey, believe it or not "rock bottom" is a pretty good place to be. All of your old ways of doing things are no longer working for you -- when you can admit that you are well on your way!

The question now is -- are you ready to learn a new way to live? They say "when the student is ready the teacher will appear". We have lots of teachers here -- And this website is a whole curriculum full of subjects to study.

Anytime you feel ready with the questions fire away! AND WELCOME!!


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