I thought I was going to be a Super Hero
(Virginia Beach Va)
Tried to help someone through H addiction for a long time,got her on Methadone,watched her kids paid for everything, was there through distribution charges bailed her out of jail found her a job she lost from stealing helped with court, she's been out of work since October laid around never got a job to help with the bills and as of two days ago just up and disappeared, called her mom called her legal husband and finally got her to respond she was ok. Said she needed some breathing room. I have had enough, went through her room (disaster)cleaned out all the garbage bagged her clothes gently placed breakable keepsakes on her dresser texted her to let her know her belongings are packed come get them and stay wherever and with whoever she was with. In retrospect I had to scratch my head and ask why did I do all of that for someone. Yes I Love her,and yes its the christian thing to do but deeper than that I was doing it for selfish reasons.
One reason I thought was some sort of Karma attainment for the kids sake. I was addicted to crack became homeless and for a better part of 6 or more years I was not there for my son,so I rationalized here is my opportunity to make amends through another child's benefit that would not have to suffer being without a parent. Before she moved in she had not seen her kids in about 7 or 8 months. The second selfish reason was for what I imagined to be Love there was no physical contact except at first when she was on H after she got clean from that nothing due to her childhood experiences I never hounded her for sex out of respect because I too had been violated as a child. But in the end my third and most selfish reason of them all I thought I was going to be a Super Hero and the Love and dedication from her was going to be insurmountable and ever after. No more for me I instead have became Supreme King Enabler through my own Ego and Want of true Love. wawawa.
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