I NEED HELP! Trying to rebuild a relationship with my 16yr old son him

I am trying to rebuild a relationship with my 16yr old son. He feels i was not around for him. Truth is that it is partially my fault, but his moms family kept him away from me and did a good job at making me out to be a bad person. How can i rebuild our relationship, when he ignores me and his household family is against me?

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Jan 18, 2012
just be there...
by: dakota07

Kids are hard to be close especially when you don't have a previous relationship with them. It will take time for you to have that relationship that you want but just be there. Be a friend first and surely, they will come around. That's what my dad did, I was left with my grandparents when my mom died and my dad just left. I was sent right away to boarding school and that's all ever knew. But suddenly, my dad came back, and he wants to start again. I didn't trust him at first, but he was always there, he befriended me and just didn't gave up on me. Now, we have a relationship, though it's not that close but it is there. We are getting there. :) Hang on to your son, you'll get there. :)

Aug 16, 2011
by: Anonymous

Thanks for submitting your post. I can appreciate your desire in wanting to rebuild the relationship with your 16 yr old son, as parents most of us want to have relationships with our kids. It can be a bit problematic if there is some estrangement or abandonment from the past.
Couple of things to keep in mind about 16 year olds, first off, they are at the stage of development where they are usually very absorbed in self. Secondly, they haven't got a real good handle on how to deal with all their feelings yet. That is the purpose of the adolescent stage of development, to acquire skills and coping mechanisms in order to survive in the "big people's" world.
In addition if he is being influenced by the family he lives with that will also color his outlook some.
These are some things that worked for me when my father re-established a relationship with me. He left when I was 5 and I didn't see him again until I was 40. He didn't get too pushy, but he was (and is) very consistent in reaching out and making contact with me. I have bounced back and forth with contacting him, sometimes I do, sometimes I go stretches where I don't.
He allowed me to have my feelings and didn't get defensive when I shared those, he just listened and validated my frustrations and even my anger on occasion. He understood my desire to want to a relationship and then at times I pulled back.
Your son is probably very concerned about what is going on with himself these days, not so much about what you want or your desires. Just try to be steady, consistent and a good listener. Take care of yourself and enjoy life, that is EXCELLENT role modeling for him. It will give him permission, so to speak, to take care of HIMSELF and enjoy life too!
It is hard being a teen these days, but you have a real opportunity here if you go about it in a positive, healthy approach. Good luck!
Angie C.

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