I have abandonment issues, am a parent and want to break the cycle!!!
I don't remember much about my childhood except that I was always very independent. I stopped drinking out of a bottle on my own and asked my mom for a cup instead, I stopped sucking on my thumb on my own; I remember thinking to myself, "I am going to stop sucking on my thumb" and did it.
As a teenager, I was very confined to my house. I was not allowed to socialize with friends. As an adult of 20 years of age, I was not allowed to go to the movies with friends or sit on the step with friends. At the age of 21, though, I was left alone. Alone with no social skills. My parents decided to move to PR and since we, my brother and I wanted to stay, they left us. Just that simple. I remember feeling, "wow, I have all these freedom and do not know what to do with it." At that time, I was involved with a guy who was locked up, so since I was used to being confined, I decided to wait for him. I lasted five years.
After that, I moved in with my very best friend and partied for a couple of years, saying to myself, "wow, this is what freedom feels like?" I then started dating one guy - didn't work - then my daughter's father. That defenitely didn't work, but at the age of 28, I had become pregnant. When my relationship with her father failed, I took it ver hard and that's where the abandonment issues began to surface.
I've had two other failed relationships since then - one of them being married to the guy from jail. It seems that every time a relationship fails, I feel all of those abandonment issues all over again, and I become very depressed whether it is my decision to end the relationship or not.
I have an almost 11-year old daughter, and I feel like I abandon her, although she tells me I don't. It is very true, when I read that our parents are only the reflections of their parents. My thing is that I do not want to become a reflection of mine. I know I have the power to change that and that's why I'm pouring out my heart and soul to a bunch of strangers...