I fear he doesn't really love me
I am in a relationship with a man whom I love very deeply. I am certain that this is my first actual love relationship. My ex husband I married because he was the only person who had ever said he loved me and he asked.
I have problems with jealousy and perception. I think that the man I am living with now is going to behave the same way all the men I have dated in the past.
I went to and am still going to therapy for the issues of abandonment, emotional neglect as a child and I am a recovering addict/alcoholic (11 years).
The big issue right now is he does not act as if he is attracted to me any longer.
Our sex life has become 3 minutes of his getting off and me lying there completely frustrated once a week.
He works odd hours during the week and its as if sex is his Saturday night chore.
I used to gain all of my worth through sex. If the guy wanted me and said it I was hooked. If he doesn't then its because I am NOT ENOUGH.
Everything comes back to me feeling as if I am not enough. Good enough, sexy enough, exciting enough, young enough. etc...you get the point.
I am now 47 and I am thin and have a decent figure. The one thing that I hate is my D cup breasts no longer looking like they used to.
When he doesn't really give a shit if I reach orgasm or not I feel as if I don't matter. AGAIN.
I tried spicing things up once and bought lingerie that is more revealing than what I usually wear, (he pointed out what kind of thing he liked, from Fredericks and very self consciously wore it when it arrived and he asked for a rain check.
I have never worn that piece of lingerie again.
I almost always initiate sex with him.
I AM JUST TIRED OF NOT BEING WANTED.
Other than our sex life everything else we do wonderfully well together.
Should I just accept the declining sex life which he seems perfectly content with since I have finally met someone who will put up with me?
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