I enabled my son all through school an now.he is failing college and I feel terrible

by Jackie
(Los alamitos)

I have enabled my son all throughout school and now he is failing college and is depressed. What can I do?

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Aug 14, 2015
feeling terrible
by: girlinredjacket

why are you feeling poorly? did you do everything you could? were the decisions you made in the best interest for him? ENABLE is a word that turned into a label that became a decease.
a person that enable' others are not usually doing it because they want to gain. we do it cause we care, we are kind and forgiving people. we all reached the place of enabling for different reasons.
kids are on loan, we give them everything we didn't have. we give thousands of tears, hours of sleepless nights worrying how we fucked up their lives. he is now in college, he is on his own and there is not one thing you have the power to do.
But, love him. the best thing is start to love you, become the person you want him to become. it will work out the way is was designed. it is not your fault. it is what it is.

Aug 10, 2015
by: Don

Hi Jackie,

You can start now to learn how to detach with love and support his efforts to help himself. Get help for your compulsion to do things for him, so he can learn to do for himself.

Support only his attempts at getting well. If he refuses professional help for his depression do not support that by doing things for him that he should be able to do himself.

Get help for yourself so you can have support too. He will be watching and as you get well you will be blazing a trail for him.


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