I didn't know I was an enabler
My son moved out of the house 10 years ago and has only asked for help with a root canal bill. Now, he broke up with live-in GF, Found new GF, Lost JOB, she lost her job as apt manager, so no place to live, an they moved back here. She found a job around the corner from her before they even moved their stuff in. My son...well.. he stays in bed, or on the bed, playing video games all day long when GF at work. When she's home, they lay in bed together and watch tv all f=day long. Been 8 weeks now. I gave then some time to acclimate, I know how depressing it is for him and her to be having to do this. However, I am very ill, and am not to do anything, so I was grateful for the help. I mean, he has no job, so he can help around the house, right> Nope. Nothing. I am in so much pain cooking their meals (not ONCE have either one said, "hey, do you need some help?" NOT ONE time. Their laundry piles up in my bathroom so i cannot get around and i fell a couple times, so I moved out of that bathroom completely and refuse to clean it anymore. I can get son to do dishes IF I ASK. but I HAVE TO ASK< GF, never touched a dish or anything for that matter. they are snug in bed by 10 pm while I am sweeping and mopping with one arm and half a hand, on diabetic nerve pained feet and someitmes crutches, while they watch. I have dont all their laundry as it stinks and they say the will do it, but they don't i cannot stand this messy house so I do it. i know it is wrong, but, anyways, yesterday I had a talk with them and i felt so much better, i was happy again, felt like a big weight lifted off my shoulders, great day it was. woke up this morning, same exact day as fro the beginning of the last 2 months. ???WTheck.. i cannot understand how , why, someone would think that moving in here, rent free, etc, ll meals (great ones) and snacks, drinks beverages, etc,, BUT IT;s OKAY NOT TO LIFT A FINGER to help me prepare food, or clean up after them, "You;d be clenaing the toilet wether we were here or not. oooookaaaaay, but one person using it as opposed to three is quite differnt. NOW, i am very upset as their presence costs ME more MONEY ,,,money is gone i don't have any extra now. BUT THEY DO. THEY GO OUT ON DATES, SHOPPING buy NEW Clothes and shoes, wen to the hair salon and anil salon and get fake tans, and are out partying every weekend, sometimes they take my car use my gas, and when i go to doctor, my tank says I have 1 mile til empty, Up until yesterday I had nt said a word about it, i have been waiting for my boym who has always been a great kid and help to his mom, step up after he adjusted. but now he has copped an attitude. Get this: THREATENED me WITH moving out!! ha ha haaaaI don't have to stay here you know, Ok, well then, if you can find another place that you can live rent free, have all your meals bought and paid for and cooked for you served to you, laundry done, etc etc. and they won't mind you playing video games all day long instead of finding a job or doing your schoolwork you should go for it. I figured that might have kicked in what he 's really doing, well, it did, he washed HIs plate and fork last night and set it on the counter. He was "helping he said. "one less dish to put in the dishwasher." really? REALLY?? i HAVE CHF, COPD, Fibromyalgia, peripheral neuropathy, anxiety major depression PTSD, ADHD ADD, Panic attacks, Reynaud's syndrome, RSD, Cardiomegaly, and cardio myopathy, and now under sever stress I have a chronic staph infection and my fingers are turning green. I am deteriorating, and crying inoaud constantly and nothing. they dont care. obviously. well, neither doe smy own mother, she has not called me in two yars to ask how i am or anything. SHes an active 70 yr old working part time, feeling sorry for herself that he r daughter doesnot come visit her. ait' really hrd when I have to use crutches or a wheel chair and to drive myself anywhere in my condition and pain, but she does not care. she lives 12 minutes away form me. nothing . no calls, no help. WHAT IS wrong with peopel? I spent my last 35 years as a nurse helping quadriplegics on ventilators go to school get jobs and live independent lives, (as much as one can when attached to a ventilator, always going above and beyond the call of duty, ALWAYS help ing and giving and nurturing and and and what about me now.? what about you? I don't exist anymore I guess. WHY is this happening what an I doing wrong BESIDES THE ENABLING? Please ADVISE If you can ( yes, I am married, he lives, here, too, don't ask. ok, he won't help anymore because son is here and he is not working so he can do all the chores, he does not, neither does my hubby. so i have to do it. it's is not fair. and i have expressed this in no uncertian terms and have hit a bric effing wall with both. they are so stubborn and each use me as a sounding board to blast each other. i am so tired, I am hiding in the bathroom right now, like every night the past ten days. I am refusing to do anything at all, it's piling up and they are getting pissed off at ME. HAH! pretty funny. but idc, not much anyway, i am hurting so badly, and I was NOT AT ALL before they came, as I got hubby to help me. but, no more he wont' he works hard all day to provide for all of us, why should he, really?he looks like he got run over by a truck when he gets home, he has saly sweat stains on his clothes, and BOOTS and HAT, that's how hard he works. While a able bodied 29 year old, lays in bed and plays video games. He says he's finishing on line college, but i have NEVEAR seen him do that since the first week he was here. he also said he would take 2 classes ,, harder takes ore of his times. but he is not. i have two eyes and two ears that work still. he is not.
what do i do for reals? Move out? Leave them all here, and go live with my daughter who begs me to come live with her about four states away in Texas? HMMMMM? No, I cannot do that without an income to help support myself, I won't be at the mercy of just anyone, my husband, ok, but=not HER husband.