Heroin Addiction 2

by Delilah
(Arizona)

My son's father is a heroin addict. He injects needles in his arm. I got a lock that could not be picked so he would not re-enter my home again. This was quite some time ago. I enabled him to continue using by giving him a safety net. He is in the hospital now because he has low platelets and was bleeding from the inside of his mouth and body. His urine was even blood. He is stabilized now with platelet transfusions.

I know him for 10 years and he first became dependent on oxycotin 4 years ago at work. A co-worker gave it to him. He swallowed the pill first then started snorting it. I enabled him to continue by providing him with what he needed: food, home, money, etc.

My son is 9 now and I am very happy his father is gone. I tell my son that his father needs to heal fully to be the person he was put on this earth to be and that I cannot help him anymore because I only blocked his path of growth. He blames everyone and so now he has to take responsibility for himself and look a bit deeper into his wounded soul to figure out what he needs to do to be whole again.

The hospital is the perfect place for him to be. He doesn't think so because he is craving. At first I felt very guilty for letting him go. Now I know I did the right thing because he would never heal with me. We were co-dependent.

My brother once told me to look at the big picture, not the little, immediate one. I kept looking at the picture in front of me and couldn't see that his growth cycle had to occur without me so he has no one to blame. My growth cycle as well.

I believe deep in my heart now that he has the strength to heal. He never showed me weakness, only for this drug. I do feel bad for my son at times but I also feel why feel sad when you can be happy. Its all about the response to things not the situation.

I've learned a lot. I also learned to be happy with what I have and not want what I do not have. Everyday has become a better day. My eyes are wide open now and I see things clearer. My son misses his father and that ok. His father can heal and become a much better person and then return into his life.

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Sep 20, 2013
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starstarstarstarstar 		my brother has epilepsy and is back on drugs
by: Anonymous

I am over welmed I live on the west coast and my stepfather and mother who are in their 80s live on the east coast I have been trying to help my mom who is in a wheel chair and had two strokes get help with certain things long distance my step father is going blind my two brothers never actually were able to live on their own they always had issues and ended up back living with my parents one brother died he had health and mental health problems and also took zanax my other brother became addicted to heroin my parents always bailed them out both were enabled they nev er did that with me thank god I learned to take care of myself and left early at 17 Now the only brother left was diagnosed with epilepsy is using again he is lying and also abusing my stepfather's money using the credit card to buy stuff and The situation is bad this am my brother had a gran mall seizure the cops came and the paramedics took him to Er this is happening more and more My brother is trying to get on disability but what good will that do if he is using again He is not driving and my father has the key to the car afraid he willhave a seizue while driving my parents refuse to kick him out afraid he will die if he has a seizure some where and is homeless it goes on and on I am visiting now I just want to get on a plane and leave right now but I can't i have asked my step father to get someone in to help them soon I can't stay I have my job and my life I don't mind helping my parents but this is too much Being in rehab might help but My parents don't have money and I don't have very much I am 67 and retired but still working PT to help make ends meet. I am just tired of the drama and the wasted lives I am angry at my parents for enabling both my brothers one is dead and the other may die soon if he doesn't seek help he needs to be in rehab I am sad that I may loose another brother to drugs The situation is horrible You can't make someone go into Rehab i don't know if the drugs cause the seizures or if they started him having seizure
Aug 18, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		A REAL MOTHER
by: Anonymous

As the adult child of achoholic father I can tell you that I and my siblings would have been much better off if my father would have not been in the home. My mother separated from him for a short period of time then took him back later stating that "you kids wanted him back". I can say two things about that belief- 1) my mother refused to accept her adult responsibilities as a mother. She refused to accept accountability to protect her children from an often abusive drunk father and 2) her decision to take my father back had nothing to do with the kids. It had to do with her own dysfunction and the children became an excuse. So yes, as small young children we did miss our father and what having a father represented but we were way too young to ever make a momentous decision having such far reaching implications. That is what parents are for. I can tell you as an adult I would have been sooooo much better off if my mother had stuck to her guns and kept my father out of the house.

So let me just offer you my validation. You are doing the right thing both for yourself and your child. Your son only knows he misses his father but you know the full magnitude of the reality of his father's life. No child should ever have to take a back seat to a parent's addiction. The backlash can last way into adulthood causing a myriad of emotional problems. Kudos to you for being a real mother and protecting your child's well- being. Many blessings.
Aug 16, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		Tough Love
by: Tom N

It sounds like you learned. My wife didn't get that. I finally had to remove myself from the home. I've been clean for three years. My wife and two young sons moved to the city I went to and we all live together again, after two and a half years. It isn't easy, recovery is an inside job with outside help. The only one's that could provide me with unparalleled perspective where other recovering addicts. They provided guidance and I did and still do as suggested, otherwise it's the grave or a prison cell for me. I was accused of running from my problems, but I didn't. I brought my problem(me) to a new healthier environment and learned a New way of life; How to deal with life on life's terms without the use of drug. I will always be an addict, but I NEVER have to use drugs again. It's a choice and I'm not willing to make that one today. Congratulations on making a good choice. Good luck to you, and God Bless You and your Child.
Aug 16, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		To Delilah
by: Angie Carter

Thanks for writing in and sharing with us your experience. Those types of situations can be very tough to deal with. Sounds like you have "stuck to your guns" and held the boundary as oppose to previous behavior of enabling.

Sometimes when we enable we actually stand in the way of a person's healing and recovery. We block the natural consequences of a person's choices thus prolonging the addiction.

I know for me (I am a recovering addict) that it was critical that I experienced the pain of my consequences in order for me to change.

It is hard though, when the kids miss one or both of their parents, but having an active addict as a parent can be just as painful (if not worse)

Hang in there and keep growing and working on your self - you won't regret it!

Angie Carter

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