by Leslie
(Mandeville, LA USA)

I am 20 years old. My boyfriend is a drug addict. He has been to rehab. He is on probation and has no job. he constantly asks me for money for side jobs and his probation fee's which in the last 4-5 months has added up to EVERYTHING I had saved.

He stole my debit card 3 days ago, and left me with $3.00 in my account this week and left to stay with his sister in Georgia to talk to an army recruiter where she lives. I do not know what to do.

I need help and am too embarrassed to tell my parents! I love him and do not want to put him in jail...but I know I have a problem and need to stop it now...

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May 14, 2010
To Leslie
by: Kathleen D. Cone

Wow, you're only 20 and you are already seeing things for what they are... bravo to you.. Many of us took 40, 50 or more years to come to the point where you are now... You already see that this is not what you want!

I think having only $3 to your name and I'm sure responibilities that take money, you might have to swallow your pride and ask your parents for help.

But, I'm glad to hear he is gone now to his sisters and he is no longer your problem. Close the bank account immediately and if he has gotten away with over charging the account report it as stolen and the bank will likely reimburse what was taken from the account.

You do not have to put him in jail or say who it is that took the card. He will find himself in jail again, soon enough, by his own actions.

No one likes to face the fact that they have just been used and you can thank you lucky stars he is no longer your problem but his sisters..

But, the key is not letting him back into your life again and my getting your parents involved that will motivate you not to.. since they will have at least some idea of what happened and you can use your love and respect for you parents to help protect yourself from yourself until you get your barrings again!

Only 20, and already wise enough to know that this is not what you want... again Bravo to you young lady! Now let your parents love you.. It's their job to help you while you are young, because we all make foolish mistakes.. learning from them is the key...

With best regards for you heart to heal quickly

May 13, 2010
To Leslie
by: Angie Carter

Hi Leslie,

Your situation sounds pretty chaotic! ...but I do understand it. I have been in similar situations in my past. It really did no good for people to give me their "advice" because at the time I had some fairly strong feelings going on, which I interpreted as love.

Someone once educated me on the difference between intensity and intimacy which was VERY helpful and made total sense. The other thing was that I gravitated and was drawn to those chaotic type of relationships because of how I felt about myself. I really thought I felt OK about myself, but the evidence proved otherwise.

Healthy people who have a healthy relationship with themselves do not stay in those types of destructive and harmful situations (at least not for very long).

The fastest way I know how to help people put it in perspective is to have them imagine their situation (exactly how it is) and it is happening to their best friend or their sister (or daughter) -- the same exact situation with the exact same person, and then I ask them "Would you want this for them? Would you be celebrating this relationship or this union??"

Usually when we can step back and put it on someone else that we care about we would not want it for them. Take it one step further and pretend they came and asked you for advise about what to do...what would you tell them???

I believe we all have the answers we need for our lives within us, sometimes we just don't like the answers we find.

Best of willingness to you what you think is the right thing for yourself.
Angie Carter

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