help for a husband who is "a selfish, coldhearted **bleep**""
(rhode island, usa)
I am going into my 20th year with a woman 10 yrs my senior. I am 43.
She was adopted at 6 mos of age to work a holic parents. Her dad is very nice, yet never told my wife no. She never remembers mom showing or saying i love u to my wife growing up. She and her brother were always shipped off to camp in summer so mom and dad could do their own vacation thing.
My wife tells of a time she was sexually harmed by one of her dads friends. She was out of the house at 16 married to a man who spent the majority of the next 17 years in/out of jail.
We are on verge of divorce because she feels i dont love her, that im never (she uses never, always) there when she needs me most.
Example, 2 weeks ago she had surgery to remove an ovarian cyst. She is incensed that i left hospital shortly after she went in to surgery to run a couple errands so i could be back when she got out of recovery and into her room. She got upset at me the next day because i didnt think to bring her a coffee or a flower. The next day, after i brought her home, she got terribly hurt that i didnt give her a hug or say I'm happy u r home. I did go to great lengths to set up her bed with all her pillows to b comfy and then made her some fish chowder as comfort food.
I have my own self esteem - childhood issues that bring problems to the marriage, but i dont know how to get her to see that she only sees the negative things i do or have done.
I have never been unfaithful. I am at a total loss.
Can someone shed any light?