I have had to come to terms with the legacy of enabling that has been passed along in my family for several generations. I recall in great detail how my maternal Grandmother enabled all those around her. Her husband, who was an alcoholic who sexually abused one of his daughters, and his grandaughters. Her cocaine addicted son who still cannot hold a job or kick the habit. And her daughter who could not manage her own finances.
Now my mother is doing the same for my youngest brother, and my niece. She feels that she is helping them out of tough situations beyond their control. My brother is addicted to alcohol, can't keep a job because of anger issues and lack of ability to yield to authority. My niece, who got pregnant out of wedlock at 17, married and used up her college funds that were set aside after her mother died in an accident, and had yet another child she cannot afford. She has moved about using people for as long as they will allow or can afford. When the resources are gone, she calls my Mom for help and of course Mom bails her out of her financial troubles. The niece refuses to get a job saying her place is at home with the youngest of the boys (ages 6 and 4). Her husband has a high school diploma and antisocial disorder tendencies. Therefore, he cannot find adequate employment either. However, they have all the money in the world to blow on tattoos, cigarettes, and entertainment while allowing my mom to meet their monthly bills.
Mom is blind to this craziness. I have tried repeatedly to get her to stop, but she says she can let the boys suffer for their parents poor choices.
What is the best way to approach this? I have confronted the niece...pushed all the wrong buttons by stating the truth. I have spoken with my step father who is powerless over my Mom's desires to keep enabling them. It has grown to cause a rift between them. They are in their 70's and he can't see divorce as a solution, so he stays in that hostile environment.
Any advice would be helpful.
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