Enabling our 21 year old son to become a professional cyclist.

My son has always been the sporty type and he is really focused on becoming a professional cyclist. We are proud he has a focus and wants to follow his dreams. Sadly this has taken over life because of the support he needs both physically and financially. Our marriage is on the back burner because my husband for the last two years has forgotten he has a wife as well! I do go to some of the races and love to support but then I get behind with the running of the home. My family are very lazy with this side of things and all just do their own thing. My garden needs sorting and my home needs redecorating through out and now my furniture is so old its ripped and I feel ashamed. I tried to freshen up the bathroom to get rid of mould which I did but I need some help to get it off the silicone around the bath. My husband said he would do it but this is all what happens this one job along with many others may have to wait for years. I do not want a posh home but clean and tidy. There is constant unrest in my home and it has been a real battle for me to even have my own central heating on. My son would keep turning it off and say get another fleece when I had already got one on. He likes it cool to keep germ free and healthy for cycling I understand but I am freezing. So my husband would just put this down to petty things and this took some time to get support on even this. Its a constant daily battle and I am tired and now just recovering from shingles to add to this.

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Nov 08, 2011
Right on!
by: Don Carter

I'm with Lisa! You are important too!

One thing I might add is the possibility that your son may be a buffer between you and your husband.

If he is the last child to leave home, then you two are the only ones left. If either you or your husband has a fear of intimacy (fairly common when you come from a less-then-nurturing family) then this issue may have become a wonderful way to keep something between you.

If indeed this is what's going on, it's a variation of the empty nest syndrome. Many times we fear intimacy because we don't know how to do it...or because we don't want to get too close for fear experiencing vulnerability.

Just some thoughts. Counseling would be a good place to sort it out. If you go, don't let your son come with the two of you. :)


Nov 03, 2011
by: Lisa

Shingles can be triggered from stress. You are internalizing what should be communicated.

Sounds to me like a family meeting needs to take place. Everyone given a platform to have their time to speak. With the list, prioritize, and as a family come to agreement of tackling this list.

21 is not a child.

If your son is concerned with the temperature, than he should be concerned with the mold in the bathroom. Life skills, he will need.

If everyone should care about him, why is no one showing they care about you or the home that is the foundation for the whole family??

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