Down the drain
I am 26 years old now. It has been a while now since my heart has been finished being scarred over due to my fathers alcoholism. I cried weekly and had frequent thoughts of suicide in high school.
I acquired body-dysmorphic disorder because I have a couple of small moles on the left side of my face. This disorder marked the beginning sign of my serious mental problems. I always tried to hide the left side of my face from people. I even wore a huge coat to school (even in the summer) just so I could put on the hood and hide.
I have never had any real friends. I am smart but I was not able to succeed in college due to the emotional abuse in my childhood, I dropped out (ADD my ass). I drank my first few beers after work one day and it was the greatest feeling I have ever experienced in my life. Extreme euphoria and incredible weight lifted off my shoulders. I instantly become an alcoholic and starting drinking everyday.
My father encouraged my dream of starting my own landscape business by funding the initial startup costs. The business started off great and I was making money and getting new jobs, but eventually my alcoholism destroyed the business. My equipment has been sitting for years now, rotting.
The buzz began to noticeably fade after about 2 years of drinking and someone introduced my to oxycodone. This really wasn't my favorite but it helped boost the effect of alcohol. Then I discovered adderall and benzodiazepines and began abusing them as much as possible as well. I became physically addicted them. I stole over $3000 from my mom to buy drugs, especially oxy. I would take all of the drugs at the same time and also of course drink. I would also smoke over a pack a day of cigarettes and drink energy drinks all day. I eventually overdosed with no medical treatment. Then again, and again. One night I was sure I was going to die, but I didn't.
Now I have a multitude of health problems due to alcoholism and drug addiction which led to pancreatitis and now my kidneys are failing due to high blood sugar. My life was not fair. I had no idea life was not supposed to be this hard as a child. I miraculously got a job doing landscaping but my health is failing and I am not going to be able to keep it up.
I quit using all drugs including cigarettes about 1.5 years ago. I quit drinking last November. I quit my caffeine addiction a few months ago. Despite all of these efforts, it's not enough to save me.
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