Don't know what to do next

Hello everyone. Let me get right to it. My wife of 20 yrs and I have been having problems. She told me recently that she was no longer attracted to me. I'm a very tall fellow in great shape. I go to the gym 5 days a week and have created the best physique I have ever had. I'm 50 by the way. Women hit on me constantly and I have never cheated or even considered it.

I love my wife and compliment her everyday many times. To me she is the most amazing person ever. It breaks my heart to know how she feels. So what do I do. I've been thinking it thru and do not wish a act in a hasty fashion. But I think it's time for me to go. She says she still loves me but does that even matter at this point.

It bothers me that so many woman seem to be attracted to me yet my wife is not one of them. So do I cheat and stay. I'm not that type of person. I feel lost and hurt. But I am strong and I will overcome. Any opinions?

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May 24, 2015
Do you love her?
by: Don Carter


I am sure it is a hard thing to hear from your wife that she is not attracted to you. But all is not lost because there could be a number of reasons this is the case.

I cannot help but notice that you put a lot of stock in physical appearance. And don't get me wrong, being healthy is great! Looking your best is also an awesome thing to pursue. However, physical appearance is not the only factor in the attraction equation -- and who has a formula for that anyway?

If she says she loves you, there are some questions you have to ask yourself: Do you really love her? Are you aware of her needs? Are you aware of what she finds attractive in a partner? Are you attending to the relationship with communication -- and what exactly ARE you communicating to her? What about her, other than physical appearance, is attractive to you?

In short, if you really love her and she loves you then leaving would not be an option.

Finding out what attracts you to each other is the right direction to go -- If you discover these things about each other I wonder just how surprised you might be when you find that the physical part just seems to take care of itself.

Good luck!

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