dont know what to do help

by augustos
(new york ny)

Hi I'm 24 years old I'm a musician and computer tech I smoke cigarettes couple times a week I drink 1-3 times a month nothing serious but I feel I have a problem . I have never had a job my mom an gf is my enablers. I don't want them to be and I wanna help them I feel like a failure. To everyone also been on probation for 5 years I haven't been in any trouble after I have dropped out of high school no diploma or ged I'm very intelligent. Not a bad person at all I just don't know what to do with my self. Someone or thing please help

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Nov 16, 2013
To Augustos
by: Angie Carter

Thanks for post. Well, I think it certainly says something about yourself when you state that you would like to change and not be enabled! That's a great start, lots of folks cannot make that admission. Good for you.
It is difficult to start because being enabled is the easy way out and sometimes it is human nature to want to take the easy way out!
What I would do to start with is separate yourself into two parts. The first part is the one that is possibly unmotivated, wants to be enabled and resists change and the other part is the one who wants to be successful and productive.
Have the two parts negotiate with each other (just as you would if you were dealing with a child and wanting to them change their behavior)
The part that wants to "stay enabled" can be very powerful, but you will need to learn to set boundaries with that part, be firm, (not critical) and reward that part with "play time" or something that is fun for you, whenever you have stuck with being disciplined and following through with goals you have set for yourself.
You can learn to treat that part of yourself (the enabled part)as a "childself" that needs guidance, nuturing, direction and boundaries. The other part will be your adult self that is in charge of taking care of that "childself" part.
Good luck, Angie Carter

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