Do I have Abandonment Issues???
I'm 15 almost 16 and I started noticing that when I'm alone I get very "angry" and lonely, it's not just boredom, when I get home from school no ones here, and I just feel so lost.
I never had a dad, apparently he split before I was born, but I found a few old pics, and there he was, my mom doesn't really talk about him, and all it did was start a mill of questions. I got a few answers, but I want to know the truth from his mouth... maybe?
Um, I guess I was abused physical, you know beaten not sexual or anything by my mothers boyfriends over the years when I was little, but my brother was always there to take the beating for me, which I thank him for now, but also feel guilty about because I never learned to keep quiet or clean after myself.
But besides that my Brother kinda raised me, he's 3 years older than me, I started cooking for myself since I was like 8, and doing my own laundry, my mom was young, and I don't blame her for anything, not at all. She tried as hard as she could.
I noticed that a few years ago I was REALLY depressed, my mom had gotten kicked out of the house, and I had to live with my grandparents, who she also lived with. My brother graduated and now its just me and the cat at the house.
At school I surround myself with friends, but when I am not with them I feel lost again, they are more a family to me than my real one most of the time. For instance a few weeks ago, Jean-Luc (he is like my Best Guy Friend) didn't give me a hug, and I had not seen him for a few days (but we text all day every day), and all I wanted was a measly hug, so I walked away sad, but Victoria (My Best Friend For Ever And Ever!! :D) came by and hugged me hello, and walked me to class, though in the back of my head I was still thinking about what I DID WRONG.
Everything ended out okay in the end, he had just broke up with his girlfriend so he wasn't to happy (he's kinda scary when he's mad) he gave me a hug the next day and everything was better :D
I have a boyfriend, and he is great, but I do not know if it is wrong that I try to be distant yet close to him, if that makes any sense? I want to be close to him, but I have been hurt really bad a few times buy different guys in the past year. And I know he wouldn't think of hurting me EVER, but I've learned that eventually everyone hurts you. I just don't like feeling alone or lost, unless life is too complicated and I want to get away, or lost in a good song! :)
My questions are:
Do I seem like I have Abandonment Issues?
What kind of problems would that cause?
and Should I worry? (I don't know about what??)
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