Did I do the right thing or is what I did just another way of trying to control my granddaughter?

by May
(Cloquet, Mn.)

I am a 68 year old woman who has enabled my grand daughter far to long and far to much. My grand daughter is a 25 year old heroin addict with two children aged two and three. She went to treatment just before getting pregnant with her older son and stayed clean until about a year ago. since then she is back to injecting heroin and meth and using any drug she can get her hands on. I have bought many boxes of diapers, so much food, clothes, have paid her rent or her electricity bill or her cable bill and have kept the kids days at a time. All the while saying I'm doing it for the boys.I recently found out she is about three months pregnant and still using. It was the last straw. I called social services and told them what I knew. Since the new criteria came out second hand knowledge is to be considered as first hand knowledge. Now they want address and are going to start working on what's going on. I'm afraid she will lose her boys and her home and everything else she has.I don't know if I did the right thing. I told myself I did it for her boys her unborn child and her. She is going to be so angry and I know will keep boys away from me and I have a very close relationship with the boys. What did I do? Could I have done something differently?

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Sep 23, 2016
There is always hope
by: Anonymous

If I was in your situation, I would suggest that you adopt the boys or bring them into your care at least so they can stay with family. then I would ship her out to an addiction help place. as long as she knows her children are ok with you, it should help her get better. personally, I feel as tho people who use drugs do so to escape life, granted it's not the proper way but if you make her life harder it won't help her kick out the addiction. I would do it for the Babies. they don't deserve to grow up watching their mother do that or the bad people she might bring them around. Hopefully, someday she can get her shit together for her babies and herself.

Jul 29, 2016
You did what you did.
by: Anonymous

"Did I do the right thing?"

Well, reality is... you did what you did. Nothing matters other than that. The result of your action will determine whether it was effective or not at working toward solving the grand-daughter's obsession with heroin.

By trying to control someone who has lost control you CAN help the person IF and only if that control is eventually internalized by the person and they can take on the responsibility of living a healthy life for themselves.

Think of it this way if it helps you... the heroin is in charge of things right now. You're not fighting your grand-daughter OR the boys. You're fighting the heroin. BE BRUTAL with it AND HER IF NECESSARY.


If you were really doing all of that stuff you were doing (buying supplies for living) for the boys, you would have taken the children into your home and ONLY done it for them while letting her make her own choices and supporting her when she makes good ones... You were doing it for your grand-daughter, too. You've propped her up with some semblance of a normal life in the meantime and that leaves her to fall to much further depths later on when the heroin has a greater hold on her decision making process and she loses the battle with her addiction.

Your grand-daughter is dead. I'm very very sorry for your loss. I hope she decides to begin living again.

May 08, 2016
by: Anonymous

You did what any loving parent would do. I believe it is all has to do with our motives, I think you believed you were doing the right thing. Unfortunately, heroin doesn't react to kindness.

Fact is it destroys any kind of goodness, your granddaughter needs help sometimes losing everything is the only way , one will surrender to their addiction.
Best of luck May god bless you an your family.

I am truly sorry that you or anyone has to go through this.

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