dear past, thank you for the many lessons.
Dear future, I am ready to release all regrets and finally live the rest of my life. with love, happiness and acceptance.
when I look at the table of contents, I don't know where it is I am to begin. my mother gave birth to me because abortions were not legal and due to my brother being just ten months older. I spent many hours in my crib as an infant. I would rock my body with such force, the crib would end up on the other side of room. (from what I was told along with being told I should have been aborted) I was indeed a rocker, I did this until I had my own children.
due to being born into a extreme dysfunctional, abusive family, I did do every thing that the experts expected me to do, I gave the finger to authority, sought out sick relationship's and on an on. my mother was a sociopath. of course my mate was going to be one, the level of abusive you receive from a male partner is much darker compared to a parent.
in short of not becoming a serial killer or more realistic, attempting suicide, I am completely Amazed. course I became a mother, I can say I loved that part of my life. all my life , I gave permission to other's to mistreat me the lack of respect I felt for myself reflected outward.
I am learning to give out an aroma, if you will.. that I am a kind soul that will not allow anyone to take advantage of being kind.
bottom line, I no longer play the victim role.
I do realize, I have been the director in my life, all the things happened because I or castrated the "play".
the sad part is I had such ill willed tools to work with, which were passed down from God only knows when.
today, I live my live day to day doing my best not to have the fear take over.
thank you for all the information, this site is like pieces of the puzzle I have missed.