Co-Dependent, internalizer desperately seeking my TRUE SELF
(Tupelo, MS USA)
My father suffered depression/social anxiety AND was an alcoholic. My mother was totally committed to God, Husband and children, in that order. As a small child I was a "daddy's girl". I worshiped him. He never showed affection, no hugs, no kisses no "I love you" I never felt like I had his approval on anything. He was there, but emotionally NOT there. I remember hugging him and it felt like hugging a tree. He never hugged back, he'd always say things like "alright, go on now!". But he would let me follow him around and he would occasionally take me places with him. However, when my brother came along when I was 8 years old, my dad totally cut me off. He didn't want more children and was bitter about having my brother. I took on the mask of "HERO". I am now 41 years old, I have had 2 failed marriages and countless failed relationships. I am currently in an unhealthy relationship. I have three young children and I dont want to pass this curse on to them. This web site has been a tremendous step for me in the right direction! I want to find the person I truly am and get to know me.