can't let go...
(Colorado Springs, CO, USA)
My bf is emotionally cold and sometimes abusive. He has been abusing drugs since he was 15 and he is 57. I'm putting stuff in storage and breaking up with him, but having such a hard time with it. I've left people before and it was never this devastating. Living with him has deeply eroded my self esteem. He doesn't listen, forgets, interrupts, ignores, downplays my feelings and opinions. If I injure myself he says nothing. He tells me he loves me but I feel all he has is contempt for me. In the three years since we've been together he has barely modified anything in order to get along with me. He constantly wakes me up in the night being noisy, etc. He has never given me a birthday or Xmas present on time. Why do I still care about him. I feel insane and my family and friends think I'm stupid and pathetic for sticking it out this long. He also speaks to me either sarcastically or like I'm a child or with contempt, while we both know that I'm smarter than he is. Not being snotty, it's just I still have my memory and thought processes which his drug use has destroyed. I guess I don't know what I'm looking for in answer. Just still in pain.