Can I get a second opinion? Is my wife an enabler?

by Vincent

So my brother n law has moved in "temporarily" after separating from his wife. Come to find out he chosen drugs over family and has been almost 90 days clean now. Long story for that recoverery so ill cut to the chase.

The goal for him was to get clean and start to be independent. My wife and I have got into arguments over certain behaviors and or actions done by him. It seems as though she is enabling the lazy behavior and allowing him to have all sorts of excuses for not contributing to the household and hanging out in the garage making music. I can not approach him or discuss things with him directly because she gets angry when I bring things up to him or her for that matter.

Here is a recent example:

His work schedule is Friday,Saturday,Sunday, and Monday for a job he just got 2 weeks ago. My wife made lunch Monday morning for me and her brother. When I got home later that day I asked how was work. He stated "I didn't go in today". When I brought this up to my wife asking if she knew why he didn't go into work she got very defensive. Instead of answering she deflected to how I asked the question saying I had the wrong tone and so on. Then said she didn't know. Then stated "are you worried because you want your money" meaning rent. I said no. My concern was laziness. Keep in mind my wife is a stay at home mom and takes him to work so I figured he must have told her something that morning on why he wasn't going in.

Every time I have a concern she doesn't want to hear me out at all.

Personally I believe he is wanting to do less strenuous activity over the important things like contributing, saving money, and having a goal of being independent.

Any thoughts?

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