Called into Recovery
Recovery has been along and painful journey. In 1997, a counselor told me I carried Toxic Shame. I couldn't grasp what it meant. I read books on it and pondered on it until two years ago, I finally was able to grasp that subconsciously I had the constant feelings and thoughts about myself of being inadequate, inferior, not good enough, not lovable, not wanted, not likable, something is wrong with me, why can't I fit in, etc. while being in a group of friends or family or work associates, or parties. I learned that I would isolate myself within a group of people and withdraw inward with a huge weight on my chest that was very painful. I did not know what it was or how to deal with it. I just sat in my pain of the unknown within myself. I now have at least recognized what is going on, but have no idea how to heal my wounds of toxic shame.