Am I really an enabler? Help!

by Kardisean
(fairfax, va)

I am raising my son who is 21 y/o. Since his father and I split up, I tried to me a mom and dad
for him. At age 8, he was exposed to immoral behavior from his dad, introducing my son to
different girlfriends. My son had struggled with this issue, he would come home angry and bitter
of his dad. All these times, his dad had never provided him an assuring love. My son loves his
dad very dearly. When he was 13, he was victimized from bullying and suffered from it. He withdrew himself from friends as he said that he could not trust anyone. His bad immoral exposures from his dad continues. He left home to college, which I thought will make him grow up and mature.

This coming September is his last year to college. He wants to stay home with me. He is
suffering from General Anxiety disorder. He thinks that he is dying from a heart attack, this he experienced last October 2009, when one of his room-mates asked him to smoke weed. He had chest
pain and was taken to the emergency.

Since this incident, he is always afraid of everything around him, he refuses to drive as he is terribly very scared. I have provided him much love to compensate whatever he is lack off. He has been home in the last two months doing nothing, except when he wants beer, he works around the house and get paid for it.

He said the he is very depressed, no friends and he feels very inadequate. He tells me often how much he hated his dad. To help him overcome all these pain, I listen to him a lot, drive him around to malls and to his therapy. It has been customary, that I provide and cook the food for him. I make him clean his room, laundry. Chores that are paid includes mowing the grass and any labor work done outside home.

Should I force him to go back to his university and continue to live on dorms? He is so afraid that something bad will happened again while he is away from home. Staying home again this time sounds that he is regressing badly.

Please advise me as to how I can help him alleviate all his anxiety and anger. Am I enabling him or just trying to help him? I believe that if he out grows the GAD, he could be a stronger person.

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