Adoption is Abandonment
by Aleatha Ann
I was abandoned at birth, fostered for 2 months, then adopted out. My parents adopted 4 children and were always hailed as heroes for "saving our lives"; Family, neighbors, teachers, social workers alike. What I would like to say about adoption is that the child should be the main focus.
The child's abandonment needs can't be met if the adopted parents aren't aware they exist. Too many adoptions are made to meet the needs of the adopted parents, their loss of infertility and not having a natural child. They are dealing with their own loss and may not be capable of helping their child deal with hers.
I have been struggling with abandonment issues my whole life and probably always will. I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused by people in my adopted family. I never felt safe after age 12. I was forced to work because Dad lost his job and the man I worked for molested me. At age 18, I was attacked by an uncle then called a liar when trying to warn others in the family. This was abandonment #2. Not only was I left at birth, but now at age 18, I am raped, shamed, and called a liar.
At age 32, I met my birth-mom. We spent 4 years getting to know each other. We can no longer have a relationship due to her issues with abandoning me! She suffered her whole life as well. She could not accept my love but constantly pushed me away. This is what I call abandonment #3.
The best I can do now is realize that none of this was my fault. I didn't ask to be abandoned but I am left trying to heal myself. I need to feel, I need to cry, I need to heal. I am now in therapy trying to accomplish just that. Wish me luck! AAA
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