abandonment issues still a problem as an adult
(Detroit, MI, USA)
I thought I was getting over my abandonment issues, but at lease several times a year they seem to come up and when it does it is awlful.
I panic and it takes an emotional toll on me. I am 55 years old. I am sure it hurt my first marriage but ironically I divorced him and he was a pretty decent guy. I just never believed he truly loved me. Now looking back I think he really did.
Now I am engaged and when we have an arguement I am the first to want to break up. Yet if he mentions breaking up I fall apart.
I also feel that my sons don't really love me.
My mother got pregnant with me at age 15 and I don't know my real father. My step father was abusive both sexually and physically. So I know where this all stems from. I also realize now that my mother did not protect me. She has passed away now and I miss her. She tried to committ suicide several times so there are many sources of my fear for abandonment, but i just wish I could beat it. I do see a counselor and real all the self help books. Yet I hate the anxiety and fear it grips over me.
No one understands, not even my fiance. My grown sons don't even want to hear about it. So I am pretty much alone with no family support.