25 year old son in a constant cycle of despair

My son moved back home a year ago because his relationship with his ex became very toxic and they split up. I didnt have the room but felt he needed help to rebuild his life. His dad and I split up 7 years ago. He worked with his dad for 2/3 years but they had a very clashing relationship. Finally it became physical and his dad sacked him. He lost his flat and sold his van because he wouldnt get another job as he was too angry with his dad. Along with his toxic relationship this nearly destroyed him. After coming back home with me and his siblings, (we all get along very well) he spiraled down. Smoking weed too much not working arguing with me, abusive, blaming me and his dad for ruining his life, not making him stick at his education. After some very big arguments, with alot of verbal aggression and saying the worst things possible to me we finally seemed to put it to bed at Xmas. He got a job and was doing ok. Now his contract has run out, hes unemployed, spent all his money, refused to take a job for last 3 months and now cant afford weed or his car insurance etc which Im now paying again. Cant talk to him as he gets so angry. Threatens to murder his dad. His dad has tried to reach out to him but not in the way that my son wants, ie beg forgiveness. He tells my youngest teenage son how much he hates his dad which hurts my youngest, who is so patient with him. All he does when I try to talk to me is go back to blaming us again. Ive told him that yes its all our fault, whats he going to do now with his life. He is ruining my life and has been for past 18 months. I dont know if I can live much longer like this and keep going through it. He wont see a therapist, doctor. He wont listen to anyone elses point of view. He is right and if you dont agree he gets aggressive. Im never really sure if he'll snap one day and do something stupid. Any suggestions? How do I sort this out?

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Sep 05, 2016

by: Don


If you are open to it, I suggest that you go to counseling with someone who knows about enabling and addiction.

This will help you learn the do's and don'ts of healthy boundary setting, and give you a place to talk with an expert on how to manage the day-to-day drama of living with an impaired family member.

Please know that Angie and I are available for a 20 minute free phone consultation. You can schedule one of those by clicking the button on the right side panel of every page.

Best Regards,
Don Carter

Aug 27, 2016
Breaking loose
by: Anonymous

Please except my apology, I am using the phone.
It is sensitive plus it auto corrects.
Thank you Don! For all you efforts and hard work.

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