Writing from Africa

by NAT
(LUSAKA,ZAMBIA)

We need as a continent to be enlightened more about these things - we are becoming more and more Westernised (nuclear families,workaholics, stressed, pollution, industrialized, more single households etc) and less African (stay at home mums, comforts of living in extended families,love for people,strong marriages and social life,hospitality,friendliness). We are more capitalistic and more interested in making financial bonds than long lasting emotional & healthy bonds.

I come from a broken home, where my mother was so busy with work trying to make a good home for us when my dad left. This topic has exposed the root of feelings of anxiety, depression, need to please, cowardliness etc you name it (internalized person with fear of abandonment).

The upside is you are telling me that I can be healed through Jesus Christ and with counseling. I am very excited about this and would even love to even study Psychology!!AMEN

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Nov 14, 2010
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To Nat
by: Angie Carter

I agree that many times when a child does not get their childhood dependency needs met, problems occur down the road. In this fast paced life with broken homes and overworked parents this can be the case. But even in the "old days" here in the westernized world, things might have appeared to be better because Mom stayed home, and many times maybe they were...but there were a lot of ways that weren't too healthy back then either.

Many, many times Moms were not allowed to grow, be creative, find out who they were really were and actualize that. Many times kids were raised under impression management and could not really express what they thought and felt, which ended up causing them problems as adults in addition to passing down patterns of coping skills that weren't too beneficial (stuffing, pretending, overcompensating ect..)

I am not sure how it was in your country but here it was hard on lots of folks "who's moms stayed at home" My own mother's mom was a stay at home Mom and she still didn't get the time, attention, direction, affection that she needed. Her mother was a very busy woman tending to all the other kids, keeping everyone bathed, fed and looked after. But to be fair I do absolutely believe that it is best for the child to have their parents with them as much as possible IF the parents are healthy and can give the child was they need. Broken homes and overworked Moms are a hardship on everyone concerned.

I was a single mom, worked many hours a week and also was an alcoholic. My son DID suffer many of the things you spoke about, but in the same turn I always tried to make time for my son and let him know how very special and loved he was. I did the best I could with the tools I had been given. We have done a lot of work on our relationship over the years and it has paid off nicely. People can and DO heal up from these things.

Sometimes you have to do without the input from a parent because they are unwilling or can't look at these issues with you. I have went through this process myself, and it does take time. The rewards are very much worth it though! Good luck to you and your healing journey and also with the possibility of studying psychology!!

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