Wounded

by AFT
(Jefferson City Mo)

I am just now starting recovery. I never could imagine that any thing could be so hard. I want to share my story so maybe it will help someone else who has been through a similar situation.

I was sexually abused when I was very young by my father. This went on for many years. I got pregnant when I was 16 and was sent away to an unwed mothers home far from home. I gave birth to a little boy that I put up for adoption. I held him and even named him. The people who adopted him kept the first name I had given him and the little outfit I sent him home in.

I love children but based on the fact that I was only 16 and it was my biological fathers child I just could not keep it and give it the live it should have. The child was innocent of any wrong doing. My father continued to abuse me after that as well. I ran away from home several times. I lived in my car for 6 months. The man I was dating treated me much like a piece of trash unless he to wanted sex.

I did however marry and had children. I am now a grandmother and enjoy every min with my children.

I am working the 12 step program but not gaining much ground at this time. I do however believe that once I get further into recovery and let the demons go that hold me I will find the higher power I used to believe in. I know that once I get to my higher power I will not need to drink and gamble to have fun or to bury my pain any longer.

I just have to remember not to give up. There are so many times I want to quit and just keep living my life the way it was because I keep telling myself it was not that bad you just have to control yourself. Now I know that I cannot do this alone.

Just wanted to let someone know that they are not alone if this has happened to them and there is someone who cares.

I will post more in the near future.