Wombat is the code I had to write in order to commit this entry. What a coincidence.
I'm a 42 year old dysfunctional 'wombat'. Abandonment seems to fit the picture that I'm slowly starting to see. Neglect during childhood: yes. Abusive neglect? No, my parents were just mostly absent and too busy with their own troubles or (later) with my sister. I lost a niece when I was around ten or eleven, and her death has haunted me ever since. I became 'successful' with all my insecurities inherited. Broke down when I was 30, found real love straight after and (being 'successful' as well)... destroyed that (almost?) beyond repair some months ago. Developed an alcohol addiction as a student- because my father was an alcoholic in disguise? Because my mother was too depressed all her live to be able to care about anything? Stopped drinking without trouble in August, to discover real depression laying underneath. Quickly grabbed the bottle again last week to avoid this suicidal depression. I'm like such a wombat (I'm also perceived by outsiders as very kind) 'chewing my leaves (alcohol) in peace' But don't approach me (like real wombats) personally, as I will wound you - wombats aren't very friendly animals.
Abandonment, unresolved grief, false self's, addiction through codependency - a history of life (I'm entitled to look back at forty+) disrupting over and over again the vital constructive positive opportunities in my own life. The pattern is clear, the feelings follow superficially the want of change.... and yet, I'm caught, damaged, tired, exhausted and at present busy destroying everything.