Wish these abdonment issues would go away
(Akron, Ohio, U.S.)
I lost my mother and father as a child around age 12. They had many health problems. After my mother died I was sent to live with relatives. My 3 siblings were sent to other relatives homes. Always felt like an outsider. Hard to get close to people. My aunt died about a year after I moved in with her family. From there I went to Aunt to Aunt to Grandmother.
I was always reprimanded for doing something wrong, My family was gossipy about me and my siblings and mean for sport. They boasted how they took care of their sisters' children -- in front of other people -- as if they cared. But were cold behind closed doors. It was a show.
I am now 59 and any time I get close or near a relationship these issues still appear. I have been married twice. First husband was domineering - not a bad person, but a bully. I felt like I was his property. Second husband was a sweet talking man who left me paying his bills. I read self love is the answer. Well how the hell do you get there. I have done counseling -- but I have the same issues. Help.