Why do I put myself through this heartache?

by Hopless Romantic
(Michigan)

I can't find a boyfriend or girlfriend and when I do I latch on quickly. like after one day of talking I imagine myself dating then being with them all the time. Picture the I love you and all that and I want them to call me their gf right away and when they don't answer a text from me quickly I freak out I think their cheating or found someone better and I freak out on them and then I lose them and im sad crying feeling helpless alone lonely all that stuff. and when I do find a bf or gf I put up with things that I never even want outta a partner if they smoke weed or smoke cigs I put up with it because its better than being alone. I don't wanna be alone and then i get heartbroken like right now I have a or had a gf then she left me and wants to stay fwbs and I don't want that but I rather do it then stay single even tho I know she may find a gf and then I'm tossed aside like my feelings mean nothing to here

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Oct 17, 2011
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Hope this helps :)
by: Anonymous

I just wanted to tell you that I can relate to your situation. I am a female who did this exact same pattern with men. I know the solution but it is not easy. It is actually hard work. It's like the kind of hard work that someone would go through when they quit smoking. They get a craving so strong that they give up all their efforts and fail. It's at that moment that you persist and persist and refuse to give up or give in. If you want the solution that will free your life it's going to be hard. You need to slowly and painfully rebuild your sense of self. I learned this in therapy and felt I was hopeless to do it. But its so slow you almost don't see the progress. But your alternative is to not change and convince yourself that you will stop this pattern and find a relationship that will work. Unless you change you will never make it work!!! So, read books on self discovery, self esteem, and healing your emotional wounds. Learn to love yourself, respect your boundaries, and except ALL the good and scary about you. It takes time, it takes support and it is very painful because it means growth and growing has its growing pains. NEVER give up or give in or you will fail. And if you fail, you must pick yourself up and get back on that horse. Forget dating....for now. It is hopeless now. Forget sex...it was the thing I missed the most. But just know that if you do the HARD work (and hard work pays off) then you will have everything you want but patience is a virtue. Good luck, my friend. You are worth the effort!!!! HUGS :)

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